


Hot and Cold

by jetcity



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Awkward Clarke, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Sexual Tension, Clexa, F/F, Raven has a dirty mouth and dirty mind, Sexual Tension, Slow-ish burn (except when Clarke's dreaming), Vampire Lexa (The 100), Vampire!Lexa, doctor!clarke, happy ending because they deserve it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-18 23:26:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 41,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10627377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetcity/pseuds/jetcity
Summary: After a car crash, Clarke's world is turned upside down by a mysterious brunette...and a series of vivid dreams. Lexa's a vampire who commands thousands, but she's still a soft, gay mess when it comes to Clarke. And Clarke, well, she's basically too busy lusting after Lexa to get her words right most of the time. When Mt Weather Pharmaceuticals disturbs the peace in small town Polis, will it bring them closer together or drive Clarke and Lexa apart?





	1. What the f@#k happened last night?

Screeching tires. Broken glass. The bright reflection of her lights in a deer’s eyes. The smell of something burning. And then darkness.

Fragmented sounds and images flashed through Clarke’s mind. She knew she had to bring herself out of this fog. The smell of smoke was getting stronger, thicker. Her eyes fluttered open, slowly absorbing the scene around her. The front of her car, bent around a large evergreen, was giving off thick, black smoke that was filling the car through the now broken windshield. Clock read 2:43 a.m.. She couldn’t have been unconscious for more than a few minutes. The driver’s side window was shattered. She reached up to the left side of her head, felt the wet blood there. There was little satisfaction in confirming her suspicion that it was her head that had broken the glass.

Opening the door with her left arm, she started moving her right to unbuckle her seatbelt, freezing and letting out a sharp cry as soon she moved it out of her lap. The pain in her shoulder forced her to take a deep breath, one that ended in spasm of coughing causing a deep and throbbing pain in her head and neck. She had to get out of the car. Gingerly and slowly, she used her left arm to unbuckle herself and roll toward the door, initiating an awkward a slow-motion collision with the ground. She rolled painfully a few times, finally coming to a stop several feet away.

Taking a deep breath, she took stock of the situation. She was in a bad way and she knew it, not because of the years of medical training, but because everything fucking hurt. But, hey, just for fun, she did a quick evaluation of herself as professionally as possible. Rapid pulse, concussion, a cut on her arm bleeding heavily, and pain when she breathed. Concerning blood loss and at least a few ribs must be broken, hopefully not puncturing anything or this little predicament would be over quickly. And then blackness again.

When Clarke woke up a second time, she wasn't surprised that everything still hurt, but yet the absolute magnitude of the pain still took her breath away. She realized that she had kind of been hoping, just before she'd lost consciousness before, that she’d be rescued or dead by now. It was still dark, so not too much time could have passed, but something was different. She heard voices nearing and tried to call out, unable to do much more than wail hoarsely into the dark. It was a deeply pathetic sound, alarmingly so, like an animal dying. All she could do was hope that someone was here to help.

She saw a woman walking out of the woods. She was tall, striking, almost regal looking, and Clarke felt hope bloom in her chest that she might actually survive this night. But as the woman got closer, she saw a feral look in her eyes, the woman moved like a predator, almost feline. She was beautiful, sure, cheekbones to die for. But then she smiled, not so much a happy smile as much as a terrifying display of teeth…with two very large, very sharp incisors showing. Angel of death? Well, better to die with her than those images of a musty, old grim reaper. Flanking the woman, Clarke saw two other figures, a well-built, very good looking bald man and an older, but no less striking or intimidating, dark-skinned woman.

Floating in and out of consciousness, Clarke heard them talking, bickering among themselves. She was tired, too tired, and just let her mind dance along the border of wakefulness.

“That’s a lot of blood”

“We need to clean this up before more come”

“She wouldn’t have survived through the night”

“It would be more merciful to put her down at this point”

Clarke wasn’t even scared anymore. She wasn’t sure if any of this was real or just her dying mind hallucinating. Then a new voice, commanding and authoritative, but speaking in a language Clarke didn’t understand. Or maybe she was having a stroke? Did it matter anymore? Though she was curious now, wanted to see how this would play out, real or not.

Forcing her eyes open, all she saw was green eyes above her, staring at her inquisitively, as if trying to measure her whole soul in one look. She gasped, taking a sharp breath in, and then feeling that pain shoot through her lungs again. Eyelids drifting closed, all she heard was that voice again, but soft and gentle now.

“I’ve got you, it’s going to be okay.”

She felt two arms come underneath her and pull her up…and then darkness again.

++++

Clarke woke up to the feeling of being watched. She lay still for a second, eyes closed, trying to fit together the puzzle pieces in her mind. She was in a bed, she felt well-rested, energized even. Memories of the car crash flooded back into her mind and she shot upright, taking in her surroundings. Yes, definitely in a bed, in a bedroom. Not hers, whose? How? She wiggled her toes and looked at her hands. No signs of the injuries from before. Had it been a bad dream? A bad night of drinking? No, head felt fine, no hangover. And she was definitely not at home.

She looked around the room. It was simply furnished, modern. Black out curtains kept it dark except for a light on in the corner next to a chair, and that’s when their eyes connected again. Green. Forest green. Looking at her with concern. Again, Clarke felt herself gasp, this was getting to be a pattern, an embarrassing one. The corner of the woman’s mouth started to turn upwards in a gentle smile.

“Hi. I’m Lexa. You’re probably wondering where you are.”

She was beautiful, god was she beautiful. Clarke just nodded dumbly, not yet able to get words out coherently.

Lexa chuckled, turning that small smile into a smirk. “Well, let’s get you something to eat, so you don’t have to ask all your questions on an empty stomach.”

Standing up from the chair, she opened a drawer, pulled out sweatpants and a t-shirt and handed them to Clarke.

“Didn’t want to take those bloody clothes off myself, but you might want to change. There’s a bathroom over there, so feel free to clean up and take a shower. I’ll get started on breakfast,” she said as she walked out of the room.

And again, Clarke found herself without words. Stepping out of bed, she saw that her shirt was covered in blood and ripped across her right arm. Her pants were also bloody and caked with mud. She started moving, slowly at first, anticipating pain that never came. Maneuvering towards the edge of the bed, she was surprised to feel no signs of the crash. She was sure she had been in a crash, right? This wasn’t just some weird one night stand gone wrong?

She stood up, rolling her shoulders, and again was shocked to feel nothing but a nice looseness in her muscles. She vividly remembered the searing pain in her right shoulder last night. There was no way that was a dream. But now? No sign that anything had happened.

When she got to the bathroom, Clarke took off her filthy clothes. They were covered in blood, some dirt, with the fabric shredded and torn in places. None of this made sense. A she peeled off her shirt, she heard the tinkling of tiny glass fragments hitting the floor. Looking in the mirror, she could see blood all over the arm she had cut, but the skin itself was unbroken. The hair on the left side of her head was a rusty pink, caked with blood, but again, no signs of injury to her head. She blinked at herself in the mirror, confused but feeling a deep sense of gratitude and relief.

As she stepped into the steaming shower, she tried again to make sense of the previous night. She knew the situation had been dire after the crash. The weight of being near death hitting her even harder now than it had at the time. And yet here she was. Feeling blissfully healthy, relaxed even, in this swanky bathroom under a rainfall shower while a beautiful woman made her breakfast.

Wait, no, a mysterious woman. A possibly dangerous woman. A woman she knew nothing about who might currently be looking up black market kidney prices. Clarke felt her pulse quickening, realizing that maybe she should be a little more alarmed at whatever was happening right now.

Quickly getting out of the shower and dressing, she felt slightly less vulnerable. She started opening drawers in the bathroom, hoping to find something, maybe a pair of scissors or a razor, that she could slip into her pocket to make her feel a little more prepared for whatever came next.

_Shit, shit, shit._

Nothing, just some hairbrushes, combs, every kind of bath supply a girl could dream of, and a large bag of tea lights. Okay, someone really took their self-care seriously.

Clarke’s mind flashed to the blond walking out of the woods. That menacing look in her eyes, and the even more menacing smile. Clarke remembered fangs…was that possible? No, definitely not possible, definitely her mind playing tricks on her. The fear Clarke felt was real though. But then she remembered those green eyes, looking down at her. Just as they had alleviated her fear then, thinking about that moment did so again. She remembered kind words as she was wrapped in strong arms, lifted up, and cradled as she clung to that person’s body, feeling safe for the first time that night, maybe in years.

What the fuck happened last night?

++++

After changing, Clarke followed the smell of coffee, leading her down a staircase into a sizable and well outfitted kitchen. Lexa looked up from the stove, giving her a smile and gesturing to the stools by the kitchen island. “Coffee or juice?” she asked. Clarke was uneasy, trying to parse out what was real and what wasn’t from her flashbacks of the night before. However, regardless of mortal danger, with the mention of coffee, her eyes brightened. “Coffee, always coffee,” she replied.

Lexa chuckled and poured her a mug, reaching over the island to hand it to her. Their hands brushed as Clarke grabbed the mug. Clarke could feel how cool Lexa’s hand was, and yet it sent a shock of warmth through her arm. She looked up, locking gazes again with those green eyes. As if it was a reflex now, she felt the need to gasp for air. Damn it, she needed to get her shit together. But Lexa just held her gaze, swallowing, before turning back to the stove.

“Uhhh, thanks,” Clarke managed to choke before berating herself again for losing her ability to act like a normal person around a pretty girl. But with Lexa’s back to her, she took a minute to take the woman in. She was wearing black leather pants and a loose black sweater, somehow looking timeless and effortlessly cool at the same time. Her hair was pulled back from her face in a series of intricate braids. She was striking. And then she was turning around. And Clarke was too slow. Her head turning and looking down to the side with a blush across her cheeks, well after she knew Lexa had spotted her lingering gaze.

_Dammit, Griffin, get it together, you still have to figure out what happened last night. Don’t perv out before you can talk to this girl and get some answers._

++++

Lexa set a plate of eggs, bacon, toast and cut fruit in front of her, chuckling as Clarke ravenously forked food into her mouth. She was starving, and couldn’t get the food into her mouth fast enough, manners thrown to the wayside as she plowed through the plate at breakneck speed. When she was done, Clarke looked up, noting for the first time that Lexa hadn’t made a plate for herself.

Sensing the question in her eyes, Lexa replied, “I already ate. Looks like it’s a good thing. I don’t think my food would have been safe around you right now.”

“Not the first time I’ve woken up starving in someone else’s bed, only remembering bits and pieces of the night before…” Clarke trailed off, trying to play it off with an awkward laugh. She blushed as she looked down, noticing the debris of crumbs and scraps around her plate.

Lexa’s eyes widened, eyebrows shooting up, before words started tumbling out faster and louder than she intended. “That did not happen. Just in case you were wondering. Didn’t happen, wouldn’t do that. You obviously weren’t even conscious. Yes, that was my bed but I was never in it…I mean not while you were here. You know, because, of course I’m in it when I’m here alone, or whatever, but that’s not what we’re talking about…”

Clarke was relieved to see that this seemingly flawless woman was obviousyl losing her cool and starting to ramble. It was cute, but she was making less and less sense. Clarke could see that look in her eyes, like Lexa knew she should stop talking but didn’t know how. Though Clarke also couldn’t help but get hung up for a moment on the ‘or whatever’ of her last statement before throwing Lexa a lifeline and interrupting.

“Ehrr, that’s not exactly what I meant to say, or what I was implying, but thank you for the reassurance.” And Clarke really was thankful. She hadn’t had reason to doubt it, based on how she woke up, but seeing the woman get flustered was certainly helping put her at ease. At least she wasn’t the only one feeling off-kilter in this situation. “And thank you for breakfast,” Clarke added.

“Anytime,” Lexa answered, then seemed to regret it, eyes shifting around the room rapidly. “I mean, you’re welcome here anytime. Not that I’ll be making you breakfast again. Not that I wouldn’t, but…” she trailed off, closing her eyes briefly. Opening them again, with a calmer look on her face. She locked onto Clarke’s blue eyes, wanting the blond to see that she was trying to be genuine.

She reached across the counter, putting her hand on Clarke’s. Right on cue, Clarke felt her body respond, lungs rapidly forcing air out and then sucking in the next breath greedily. And again, she chastised herself for being so easily affected by this woman. Lexa looked unsure, and started to pull her hand back, but Clarke reached out squeezing gently and putting their hands back on the counter.

Clarke noticed again how cool Lexa’s hand was, and yet it didn’t make her feel cold. If anything, the contrast made Clarke feel warmer, like her own flesh was more alive.

An almost imperceptible smile crossed Lexa’s lips, just turning up the corners of her mouth, but Clarke could see it more in her eyes, the green shining brighter than before.

“Listen, things are about to get weird. This situation, you being here, it’s not how things are normally done. It’s not what I usually do. But when I saw you last night, I knew I couldn’t just let you bleed out on the side of the road. All I ask is that you have an open mind and take some time after we talk before you jump into doing anything. And please understand that I’m a little nervous right now too, so I apologize for the, well, rambling that I seem to be doing this morning.” Lexa paused, looking at Clarke, seeing that she looked more inquisitive than fearful.

She pulled her hand back, folding her hands together in what seemed to be a nervous tic. Clarke was a little embarrassed at how much the touch had grounded her, but she was also happy to have a clearer head now, undistracted by whatever feeling that touch had evoked. Something to think about another time. 

“So what do you want to ask?” Lexa queried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First fic. 
> 
> Feedback gladly accepted, if it's gentle ;)


	2. Coming Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke learns a little bit more about Lexa, but not as much she'd like ;)

Clarke had questions, so many questions. Her mind was racing. And she realized that now several seconds, or was it minutes, had already passed in silence with Lexa staring at her inquisitively, maybe with a hint of amusement on her face now. 

“Ok, why don’t I start then. Like I told you, my name is Lexa, Lexa Woods. This is my house. We’re a few miles outside of Polis. Can you tell me your name? This little chat may take a while, so it would be nice to know who I’m talking to.”

“Oh, right, of course. Sorry. My name’s Clarke”

“I think you’ve earned the right to be a little out of sorts this morning,” Lexa said gently, giving her an encouraging smile.

Clarke felt herself starting to relax, the questions in her mind becoming coherent thoughts now. She jumped right in, “What happened last ni—“

The door to the kitchen burst open, a loud voice preceding the tall, powerful body of the blond from last night. She strode into the kitchen confidently.

“Heda, we need to talk about plans for tomorrow before…” She trailed off as her eyes fell on Clarke.

Lexa noticed Clarke tense and shift slightly in her chair, moving herself behind Lexa just a bit. Without thinking, Lexa reached out and put her hand on Clarke’s knee, making eye contact and nodding slightly before raising her eyes. She was relieved to see Clarke’s shoulders and posture relax before she turned her attention to their new guest.

She stood in the doorway to the kitchen, eyes flitting back and forth between the two, glancing down to Lexa’s hand and then back up to their faces. Her jaw hung open slightly. She was legitimately speechless, something Lexa couldn’t recall seeing in years, maybe ever.

“Why is she here? You brought her here? Why is she still here?” the blond asked, eyes narrowing. She seemed genuinely surprised, yet somehow still effortlessly intimidating.

“She is my guest and you will treat her as such. Push this evening’s meetings back. We’ll talk later,” Lexa said calmly, but with a tone that indicated that she expected no argument.

“Yeah…yeah, okay. So what are you going to do with her?” She chuckled, “Indra’s going to have a field day with this. You know how seriously she takes security. Please let me be there when you tell her. I want to see her head explode. Do you think it’s possible to crack a tooth from clenching your jaw too hard?” She was smirking at Lexa, teasing.

It was obvious that the two women were very familiar with each other, but the dynamic between them seemed complicated. Clarke was tired, too tired to try to sort it out but she was starting to get angry. Who was this woman to just barge in and interrupt her time with Lexa? Wait, no, her time to get answers from Lexa.  

Pushing aside her previous trepidation, Clarke stood up and walked over to the blond. With all the confidence she could muster, she thrust her hand out, “ _She_ has a name. It’s Clarke Griffin. I would say pleased to meet you, but I’m not sure about that part yet.”

Clarke watched as the woman eyed her up and down before reaching out her hand to shake.

“Anya Pines.” Then, clearly looking over Clarke’s shoulder to Lexa, “I like her. I don’t know what you’re going to do with her, but I like her.” Her eyes moved back to Clarke, tone flipping from teasing to dark with alarming ease. “So far. But don’t make me regret it or I assure you, the pleasure will be all mine when I have to clean this mess up.”

Clarke felt a shiver running down her spine, but desperately tried to hide it, holding herself as rigidly as possible. She would not let this woman get the best of her, she would not let this Anya have the satisfaction of seeing her scared.

Clarke heard Lexa’s chair push back. Lexa’s voice was low and cold when she spoke, “Em pleni, Anya. Go, before you make this worse for yourself.” This time, Clarke couldn’t hide the shiver running through her body. She wasn’t sure what she was feeling, but she knew she felt it deep in her bones. Not fear this time, more like an energy, electricity.  

And then Anya laughed, a deep, open mouthed laugh. Clarke tilted her head, caught off guard by the reaction. She felt like she’d put up a pretty good front so far, all things considered. It had been a hell of a 24 hours and she would not break now. But then Clark saw it, or them really, the two razor sharp points of her teeth. Her long teeth. Her unnaturally long and sharp teeth.

Clarke flashed to the night before, remembering a glimpse of those very same teeth as the blond had stalked towards her. This morning, she had easily dismissed the image as a product of her concussion, blood loss, fear or all of the above. But there they were again, unmistakable. And unmistakably not human.

Clarke blinked, then slowly leaned forward, trying to make sense of what she was seeing, as Anya grinned back at her. It felt like minutes passed, but was no more than a second or two. Clarke’s head tilted, eyes wide as she saw those teeth retract back, leaving Anya with a normal, albeit still terrifying, smile.

Her mind catching up to her eyes, Clarke jerked backwards, stumbling awkwardly. She felt a strong arm wrap around her waist and steady her, then it was gone and Lexa was standing in front of her, chest-to-chest with Anya, mere inches apart.

“JESUS, AN! OUT!”

Anya shrunk back, hands up, backing away slowly.

“I will deal with you later,” Lexa growled before Anya left the room, a look of fear in her own eyes as she slunk out.

Clarke could feel her heartbeat, rapid and pounding against her chest. She was still, too still, and starting to get lightheaded. Right, air, she desperately needed air. Clarke sucked in a deep breath, relieved as the oxygen seemed to bring her equilibrium back.

Lexa had turned and was now standing at arms length, looking at her intently. She was rocking back and forth on her feet slightly, seemingly unsure whether to move towards Clarke or let her be.

“I – I – I need to sit,” Clarke stammered out.

“Yes, of course, please. Sit down. I’ll get you some water.”

And yet Clarke just stood there, making no movement towards her chair, fixated on the door Anya had left through.

Slowly, so very slowly, Lexa raised her hand, gently wrapping her fingers around Clarke’s elbow and turning her back towards their seats at the kitchen counter. Though her feet followed Lexa’s lead, Clarke’s face remained blank, eyes unfocused. She sat as Lexa poured her a glass of water and sat down next to her, moving so that they were angled towards each other but Clarke wouldn’t have to look directly at her if she didn’t want to. Clarke was still staring at the door, eyes unfocused.

“Clarke,” Lexa tried, hoping to break her out of her daze. It was the first time she’d heard Lexa say her name. Something about the way she pronounced it was different. Soft, yet crisp over the ‘k’. How could one syllable sound so different coming from her mouth than the thousands of people who had said it before? Clarke’s eyes snapped to hers.

“She will not come back in here. Do you remember what I said to you when I found you last night?”

Clarke nodded.

“I told you that you were safe. I meant it. No harm will come to you here. I won’t ask you to trust me, because you don’t know me. But I would like us to try to have that conversation we were about to start before Anya happened.”

Clarke nodded again. She didn’t know how to sort through the thoughts and emotions scrambling her brain. She could feel that her heart rate had slowed, that her breathing was normal again. She didn’t exactly feel comfortable, but she knew she needed to stay here, needed to get answers.

“I saw her last night, and I knew there was something different – something wrong – with her.” Clarke saw Lexa sigh almost imperceptibly, her mouth turning down in the slightest of frowns. Ohhhhh, this wasn’t just about Anya. Of course. That seemed obvious now. Clarke felt a twinge of guilt at possibly hurting the woman in front of her, the woman who had shown her nothing but kindness. But she knew she had to push forward while she still had the fortitude to do so.  

“But I thought...no, I know, I knew…” Clarke took a deep breath. “Okay, I thought I was hallucinating. I’m a doctor. I know what people look like. I know how our bodies work. What is she?”

“Clarke, I think if you’re asking that question, you already have an idea about the answer.”

Clarke stared at Lexa. She shook her head, “No. Definitely no. Don’t make me say it. I’m thinking something, but I’m not going to say that out loud because if it’s not what you’re implying, you’re going to think I’m crazy and I don’t want to be crazy. Please, tell me who she is.” Clarke took a deep breath, looking Lexa straight in the eyes. “Tell me who you are.”

“You’re not crazy.” Lexa studied Clarke’s face for a reaction.

“Lexa, I’m going to need a little more than that.”

Lexa stood up and started pacing. “Right, okay, that’s fair. So, I haven’t had to do this in a long time,” Lexa said as she waved her hand between the two of them. “I don’t really meet new people and I certainly haven’t made any friends in – well, let’s just say a long time. Not that we’re friends, but we don’t have to not not be friends.”

Clarke looked at her quizzically, an amused uptick to her lip. Yeah, this felt deadly serious right now, but Lexa falling apart in front of her was better than taking Xanax. She had already seen Lexa have moments when she was so in control, seemingly in command of everyone around her. After Anya left, Lexa had been steady and calm, exactly what Clarke needed. And it had been shockingly effective.  Clarke was almost alarmed at how relaxed she felt, totally at ease after the near panic attack. But now Lexa was on the spot, and things were personal. She was floundering. It was inescapably endearing.

Clarke jumped in, “Well, you just lost me. Somewhere in that sea of double negatives, I think you were trying to say that you don’t get out much. So who are you? And is that related to why you never have new people in your life?”

Lexa was stunned. Clarke had teased her, put her at ease, but gotten to the heart of the matter all in a few sentences. She was disarmed, but she had to go on. She might fuck this up, but she was going to give Clarke her best effort.

“Okay, so among ourselves, we don’t really refer to each other as anything specifically, other than our clan names. Me, Anya, Lincoln and Indra, you may remember seeing them last night, we’re all Trikru. We live in this area around Polis. Further North, there are the Azgeda, by the water you have the Flokru…you get the idea. Anyway, we don’t really have to discuss ourselves, you know. We just are. But, if I were talking to someone like you, you know, which I obviously am, then yeah, I guess a word or a label makes it easier.”

Lexa paused, took a deep breath and let it out as she tilted her head upwards, staring at the ceiling. “Vampires. We’re vampires. I’m a vampire.”

Clarke studied her face, looking for any signs that she wasn’t 100% serious. Of course the words only confirmed the pieces that had already fallen into place in her mind. “Well, as far as coming out speeches go, that wasn’t the worst I’ve ever heard.”

Lexa brought her head back down, looking at Clarke with a wry smile on her lips. “I never really thought of it that way, but, damn, you’re right. If it feels as stressful this, that’s one right of passage I’m glad I missed.” 

“Oh, so you…you’re…you’re a lesbian?”

_Wow, that could have gone better. Way to go Griffin. Intrusive question plus awkward stammering, real smooth._

Though slightly mortified by her own words, Clarke was actually relieved to hear her brain chastising her for being an idiot. At least she was returning back to her normal, albeit slightly disastrous, self.

That wry smiled remained as Lexa eyed her. “You and your labels. I guess we just don’t really worry about it the way you do. When time stretches out for centuries instead of decades, who you have sex with or end up falling in love with just doesn’t seem that important. Besides, it seems silly to put yourself in a box for the rest of time. That said, I’ve also been pretty damn sure that the answer to your question has always been and always will be yes. I like women. After a few hundred years, feels safe to say, it’s not a phase.”

And then the smile turned into a smirk. Was it a sexy smirk? A flirty smirk? She wore it well and it seemed like she knew it. Clarke wanted to memorize that look so she could analyze every shape and angle on Lexa’s face in the hopes of figuring out what it meant. Right, remember it for analysis purposes only, not because it had left Clarke’s mouth bone dry, reaching for a sip of water.

Interesting. This was a different Lexa altogether. At ease, confident. Clarke was not at all opposed to seeing more of this side of her. In fact, under other circumstances, she might push a little more, see if that spark she was feeling could ignite something larger. She congratulated herself for being smart enough to realize that the last thing she needed was to make this even more complicated. But she could at least admit now that maybe there was a spark. The commanding Lexa, the careful Lexa, the uncomfortable Lexa, the confident Lexa, over the course of just a few hours, they were all drawing her in. She wanted to unravel this girl, learn her secrets. Clarke shook her head, trying to clear her mind.

_You almost died last night! Stop acting like a hormonal teenager at Prom._

Lexa could see the change in Clarke’s expression, seriousness erasing the playful smile. She nodded, trying to tell Clarke that she was ready for the harder questions.

“Can you tell me what happened last night?”

“Well, you may remember hitting a tree. I think you fell out of your car, which is where Anya, Lincoln and Indra found you. They were worried. You didn’t look like you would make it if you didn’t get help soon. Of course, we’re miles outside of town so your chances seemed slim. Plus, there are plenty of…uh…things in the woods that might be drawn to helpless prey. I’m not sure if you were awake then, but they were trying to figure out what to do with you. I heard you cry out and found you all there. You, splayed out on the ground, blond hair around your head like a halo, slowly turning red with blood. I don’t take joy in human life ending, but I’m also not generally moved by it. Then you opened your eyes, like you wanted more. More from life, more from me. I don’t know, but I just couldn’t watch you slip away after that. So I brought you here.”

Clarke was nodding. “Right, I remember pieces of that. I remember opening my eyes and only seeing green, only seeing you.” Clarke chanced a look at Lexa. She was looking straight back. The silence settle around them heavily. Clarke broke first, the moment becoming too intense. She felt a blush start to warm her cheeks and tops of her ears as she looked down, but she pushed forward. “Then my mind is blank until I woke up today. Please, I need to know what happened.”

“Clarke, I think you already know.” She paused, looking over Clarke’s face again, seeming to assess her.

Lexa continued, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to make us dance around it this time. Yes, I saved you by giving you my blood. You drank from my wrist, it’s kind of the least – well, least intimate way of, umm, helping. And then I put you to bed so your body could do the rest. So, that’s how you healed. I’m sorry for doing it without being able to ask you first. In at least a dozen different ways, everything that happened last night is way outside the norm for us, leaps and bounds past my comfort zone. I hope if you’re mad at my actions, you can see that my intent was pure.”

Lexa realized as soon as she’d said it that the last part was a huge lie. When she’d first seen Clarke, muddy and bloodied on the ground, she was captivated by the sheer humanity of her, struggling to stay conscious for every last breath despite the fear and pain. But Lexa also had eyes, and Clarke was beautiful, her face so pale and fragile under the moonlight. And when Clarke’s eyes had opened, Lexa’s mind had stopped. For one blissful moment, she wasn’t trying to think about the next 12 moves in her chess match with Azgeda or worried about holding belligerent men together in the coalition, she was just at peace. It wasn’t even a choice after that. She needed to chase that serenity, and so, breaking her own rules and decades if not centuries of tradition, she picked Clarke up and promised her safety. She may be rusty at this, whatever this was, but she still knew that telling the blond all of that was way too much to throw at her right now. Making perhaps her best decision of the day, she kept her damn mouth shut.

Clarke was quiet. Part of her was trying to take in all the new information, part of her picturing what Lexa had described, unsure if she wished she did or didn’t remember it. There was something primal about the idea, literally feeding off another to survive, needing their essence inside you. She was feeling overwhelmed, heated, while at the same time goosebumps crept up her arms. Her mind was firing in a million directions. She let her training take over, allowing the doctor in her to reel off questions.

“How does it work? How much blood does it take? Does that make you weak?” she paused, clearly still deep in thought before her head snapped towards Lexa, eyes wild. “Am I…did you...will I…did this change me?”

And then Lexa’s eyes were as wide as Clarke’s. “No, no, no, no. Don’t worry. God, I should have led with that, right?” Lexa let out an exasperated groan.

“I told you I don’t do this new people thing. Well, this is why. I don’t know how to do this. This is a little bit of a disaster, right? No, don’t say it, just let me just pretend everything is fine and I didn’t almost give you a heart attack, letting you think that your whole life might have been turned upside down.”

“Well, I can tell you, this little conversation counts as earth shattering, even if – even if, that didn’t happen.” Clarke paused, taking the words in herself.

It’s not that her whole life had changed overnight, more that the framework for everything she thought she knew before had shifted. It was proving especially hard for her to reconcile with the 7 years she had spent in med school and residency. Pushing science aside, Clarke focused on the things that still made sense. A feeling in her gut, telling her that this conversation, the human connection being forged, was more important than whether she could explain what was happening. Human connection? Human?

Okay, Clarke was in uncharted territory. Looking up, she caught the trepidation in Lexa’s eyes, uncertainty as to whether Clarke was still open to continuing, open to giving her the benefit of the doubt. Clarke realized her silence must be unnerving.

“Hey, Lexa, it’s okay. Yeah, I’m freaking out, a little bit…” _A lot, a shit ton._ “…but I’m not panicking. It’s just taking me some time to process things. And I keep on getting lost in my head, and it doesn’t help that when I look at you, my words just float away.” _Abort. Abort. Abort._ “Because I’m thinking so much, I mean.” Clarke looked at Lexa cautiously, hoping to get a read on whether her attempt to salvage some of her dignity had worked.

Lexa eyes were kind, but Clarke could tell she was trying to hold a smile in. She was amused.  Damn, crash and burn for the old ego. Clarke had to press on, pride be damned.

“Anyway, what I mean is you’re doing fine. I haven’t run away yet, right?” She paused, looking down. “So, I guess now is as good a time to ask as ever. I could run away if I wanted to, right?”

Lexa’s face dropped, a look of horror replacing the humor in her eyes. “YES, of course, yes. I’m really doing a bad job at this if you’re only staying because you think I’m holding you captive. Say the word and I’ll have you taken home or you can walk out the door.”

Clarke had been pretty sure of the answer before she asked, but she felt better hearing it from Lexa.

“Don’t worry, I’m not asking because you made me feel otherwise, I just needed to hear it from you. I’m here because I want to be here. And about what I said before, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. Not that I know of at least. Anya I’m not sure about.”

Lexa shrugged. “You definitely wouldn’t be the first person to think there’s something wrong with her. After today, I might be inclined to agree. She's not usually quite so...Anya.”

“Yeah, this has been...an experience, but I’m not upset that I’m here or that I’m alive,” Clarke continued. “It’s a lot to take in, but I think I might be more uneasy if this came easily to you. At least I know you’re being genuine. Nobody goes on like you do on purpose. But don’t worry, it works for you.”

Lexa threw Clarke a playful glare, trying to hold it but finding it impossible when faced with a smiling Clarke. Lexa relaxed in her chair, taking a moment to compose herself before replying.

“I think the word you’re looking for is rambling. Go ahead and call me on it. Tell me to shut up if you need to. Anya used to all the time, usually accompanied by at least 24 hours of relentless teasing. You've been much kinder. Honestly, I haven’t had this happen in a while. In fact, I kind of forgot how it feels. A little humbling, but maybe worth it…Okay, wait, it’s happening right now, isn't it? I need to stop talking, yeah, I’m just going to stop.” Clarke watched Lexa slam her mouth shut, clenching the muscles of her jaw as her eyes darted around the room, everywhere except for Clarke’s direction.

Clarke leaned towards her, putting her hand on Lexa’s knee and squeezing. She heard Lexa’s breath hitch before she finally shifted her gaze in Clarke’s direction, seeing a broad smile lighting up the blond’s face.

“Okay, that was pretty fun…for me at least,” Clarke jabbed.

Lexa was making this too easy. Normally Clarke would take full advantage, seeing just how pink she could make the brunette’s cheeks. But there was that whole glass houses thing, and she was not really prepared to bring her A game if Lexa decided to play back. Damn it! And now she was blushing just imagining some harmless flirting. Or would it be harmless? Clarke was getting the feeling that nothing this woman ever did was casual.  

What Clarke really wanted was to ask who the fuck Anya was to Lexa and why Lexa had ever been awkward around her, but she knew that wasn’t a ‘need to know’ question right now. She steered them back to how she had gone from nearly dead to fully alive and well in a matter of hours.

 “I don’t want to make you suffer, not too much at least. But I’m glad I’m not the only feeling a little…” Clarke cleared her throat, searching for a word that wouldn’t give her piqued interest away, “…flustered, right now. Tell me more about the healing.”

Lexa ignored the blush she thought she might be seeing creep up the blond’s face, not ready to think about what that might mean or if it meant anything at all.

“Right, yes, back to business. So, as far as we know, our blood helps you heal when you’re hurt. Basically, it takes all of your own healing abilities and amplifies them. So, injuries like yours are an easy fix. Old injuries, scar tissue, cancer, those things are a little trickier. We’re not exactly advertising it and there isn’t a lot of benefit for us in experimenting on you to see how things work, so I'm not really sure about how it works on the microscopic level you're probably wondering about.”

Clarke nodded, eyebrow knit together in thought. It didn’t seem like she was ready to speak yet, so Lexa went on, answering more of her questions.

“I didn’t exactly measure how much you had to drink last night, but you were pretty badly hurt and I felt a little woozy afterwards. I’d guess at least a pint or two. Don’t worry, I felt fine a few hours later.”

Clarke was pensive. Lexa didn’t think she looked alarmed exactly, but she could almost see the gears turning in the blond’s head.

“I did warn you that things were going to get weird. I didn’t expect it to get Anya-level weird, but I promise she won’t be a problem for you anymore. Her bark is worse than her bite, by the way,” Lexa paused, quickly realizing that she could not have picked a worse analogy.

Grimacing, she looked at Clarke, who also looked surprised at her extraordinarily poor choice in words. Lexa stumbled on, “That was bad, so bad. Not even intentional. I don’t know if that makes it better or worse. Clearly did not think that through, and I am so sorry if that seemed insensitive. I’m really blowing this whole, ‘let’s talk this through’ thing aren’t I?”

And then Clarke was smiling. No, laughing! Just a chuckle, but Lexa felt a weight lift of her chest.

 “Woah, slow down there, tiger. You’re fine, it’s fine. But I think I’m going to pass on those words of wisdom. I’d like to steer clear of her bark and her bite from now on.”

Clarke’s laugh was delightful. Clarke was delightful. Maybe this conversation was the hard part. Maybe they would move past this and find humor in it later. Maybe she could let a new person into her very small world. Lexa hoped so. She didn’t know what it was about Clarke. Even blushing and fumbling for her next words, Lexa felt lighter now than she had in years. 

Lexa didn’t want this moment to end, a slice in time that felt outside the rest of her world, but she could see that Clarke was tiring. Despite the assistance, her body would still be exhausted and overtaxed by the trauma of the accident, not to mention the gymnastics her brain must be doing right now.

Once again, ignoring common sense and all the wisdom she had learned from her elders and advisors, Lexa took a chance.

“Clarke, you’re getting tired. I know you must have more questions, but you need rest. Stay, please. We can pick this up when you wake up.”

And then she stood up and extended her hand to Clarke. Lexa looked down at her outstretched arm as if she herself was surprised by the gesture, betrayed by a rogue limb.

“Let me take you back upstairs. You have my word, you’ll be safe here.”   

“I know.” Clarke said, taking Lexa’s hand to help her stand, but refusing to drop it as she followed her towards the door. Lexa didn’t seem to mind at all.  

++++

_Clarke woke up slowly, stretching like a cat in the comfortable bed. Again, sensing someone’s eyes on her, she slowly blinked, allowing the room to come into focus. Lexa was in the same chair as the day before, book held in her lap though clearly focused on Clarke instead. Clarke watched her take several slow breaths through her slightly parted lips. Lexa’s gaze was intense, different. The green was no less mesmerizing, just darker, like a forest at dusk._

_“I – I – I need…” Clarke froze, breath caught in her lungs as she saw Lexa ever so subtly wet her bottom lip with her tongue. She wasn't sure Lexa even realized what she had done. The smallest of movements causing full system failure, cascading from Clarke’s brain down through her body._

_“Tell me what you need, Clarke.”_

_And that was it. The words, the voice, the way she said her name, that god damn jaw line. Clarke felt heat creeping up from her toes, her fingers, her scalp, moving through her to one very inconvenient place. Dear God, it felt like a fire had been ignited under her skin. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt such an attraction to someone. No, this was way beyond attraction, moving past arousal at warp speed. This was need. She needed Lexa closer._

_Swallowing dryly, Clarke whispered out, “Water. I need water.”_

_Lexa strode over to the bathroom, returning with the water. Rather than walk around the bed as Clarke expected, she placed a knee on the edge of the bed, stretching out over Clarke to place the water on the bedside table opposite her._

_Pulling back, she paused, hovering over Clarke. “Yeah, you’re looking...a little flushed there.”_

_Fuck. This woman might actually be trying to kill her._

++++

Clarke woke with a start, shooting straight up in bed, looking around in alarm. Her heart was racing. She could feel a light sweat across her body, damp everywhere…ohhh, everywhere, well, that’s a little uncomfortable. Blinking quickly, trying to calm herself down, she saw Lexa in the chair in the corner.

“It’s okay. You’re safe.” Lexa tried to reassure her.

Clarke nodded slowly. Her mind flashing to the dream she had woken up from so abruptly. Nope, definitely not a nightmare, but she prayed to whoever was listening that Lexa continued to think it had been.

Lexa eyed her curiously as Clarke dropped her face into her hands, taking a deep breath. Clarke was hoping to stay hidden until the blush left her cheeks, until she could look at Lexa without possibly hyperventilating.

She heard Lexa get up and walk towards the bathroom, turning the faucet on. This was too much. She chanced a peek at the brunette as she left the bathroom, crossing the room and placing the glass of water on the bedside table.

“Take your time getting ready. Feel free to take a shower if you want. There are clothes in the top drawer if you’d like to change.” And then she was gone, but Clarke was still breathless. And overheated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the warm reception everyone. Hope you like this installment. A little heavy on the exposition, but gotta lay some things out before we set these two loose on the world...and each other.


	3. Back to life, back to reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's hormones get the best of her, especially when she's sleeping ;)

Clarke took a moment to compose herself after Lexa left the room, trying to forget the piercing, emerald eyes that had made her dream so heated…no, distracting. After standing up and shaking her muscles out, she loped over to the bathroom, touched to see that Lexa had laid out everything she might need.

After a quick shower and changing into yet another pair of Lexa’s sweatpants and a new shirt, Clarke sauntered downstairs. She felt like her head was back on her shoulders a bit. Maybe some of the initial shock had worn off. In place of stunned paralysis, her brain was rapidly jumping through the questions she wanted to ask Lexa. She wanted to know so much more about this mysterious woman. _For science._ Needed to decipher the secrets behind those eyes, the ones that seemed to dance between confidence, uncertainty and tenderness, all while her face remained steadfastly stoic. _All for science._  

As she padded down the stairs, she heard voices from a different corner of the house. They seemed hushed but tense. Lexa’s stern tone standing out above the others. Clarke moved towards the sound, heart rate rising as soon as she realized why her instincts had drawn her closer.

“She is under my protection now. Attack her and you attack me. Make sure all of the clans are aware.”

A man replied, voice unknown to Clarke, “Heda, with all due respect, you’re letting your feelings towards this human cloud your judgment. You must think with your head and not your heart.” He sounded whiny and scolding, Clarke immediately bristled at both his tone and his words.

Clarke heard Lexa again, voice rising, “I am perfectly capable of separating feelings from duty.” A pause, and then Lexa continued, voice calm again, yet in that way that is definitely scarier than yelling, “Your counsel is appreciated but I would advise you to remember your place, or else I will find a significantly less comfortable position for you altogether”

Then the hushed sound of apology and contrition, though Clarke couldn’t make out the words.

Clarke heard a third voice, female, with an even tone as if she knew her words carried weight and didn’t require any embellishment to capture everyone’s attention. “I believe what Titus meant to say is that this may require more thought. Nia will exploit any weakness if she senses an opportunity. The Azgeda have benefited from the alliance, but they are not loyal to you.”

Clarke tiptoed towards the door. She felt a twinge of guilt at eavesdropping, but quickly justified it, as it the discussion was clearly about her.

It was quiet for a moment, then the unmistakable voice of Anya, obviously calling out to her, “Blondie, just come in. We all know you’re out there listening, so you might as well be in the room.”

Clarke stepped around the corner and through the open doorway, finding five pairs of eyes fixed on her. Anya had an amused smirk on her face. The man from the first night, well-built and bald, looked at her inquisitively but not unkindly. Next to him, the other woman from the first night sized her up, eyes narrowed and appraising but without hostility. All present were certainly more welcoming than the tall, bald man who was staring at her with unapologetic disgust. Her eyes landed on Lexa last, standing in front of floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the last glow of sunset settling over the darkening forest. Lexa’s posture was rigid, hands held behind her, chin raised. She looked regal, commanding, yet a soft smile adorned her face as their eyes connected once Clarke stepped into the room.

“How did you…well, it seems…you were talking about me,” Clarke managed to get out, trying to explain.

She was a little tongue-tied. While she felt certain that she had a right to be present, she did feel a little guilty about not announcing herself earlier. Clarke was starting to falter under the unrelenting gazes fixated on her. First of all, who are these people? Why were they all improbably attractive? Well, not the old guy, but seriously, were vampires just skimming the cream of the crop out of the gene pool? Clarke looked down, shuffling her feet. Standing there in the sweatpants that were too long for her, t-shirt that was a little too tight around the chest, hairy messy from sleep. She felt just a little out of place.  

“Clarke, please meet my team. You’ve met Anya already. This is Indra, Lincoln and Titus,” Lexa said as she gestured to the older woman, well-built man, and bald weasel as she spoke.

Lincoln stepped forward, extending his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Clarke,” he said warmly.

Titus turned his attention back to Lexa, in what felt like a complete dismissal of Clarke. “Heda, we need to disc—“

“Leave us.” Lexa interrupted raising one hand as she did so and turning to face out the window. Titus instantly slammed his mouth closed. Despite obvious irritation threatening to spill out, he nodded his head and turned to leave, followed shortly by the others.

_Well that was hot._

Clarke cursed her oh-so-predictable response to a powerful woman. Watching her clear the room with just a flick of her wrist was doing things to her. It was like Griffin catnip. Her mind wandered to other things Lexa might be able to do with a flick her wrist. Clarke blushed, chiding herself, yet again, for drifting to that place. Had it been that long since she’d gotten some or was Lexa just having a special effect on her? Clarke shook her head, trying to focus on anything but the warmth pooling in her stomach and slipping lower.

Clarke watched as Lexa’s shoulders shifted, posture softening as soon as she knew they were alone. Lexa turned back towards her, looking weary. She could see that Lexa was heavily burdened, seeming to carry the weight of decisions for everyone around her. Clarke felt pride spread through her chest at the realization that Lexa was relaxing now, for her…no, in front of her. Clarke quickly told herself it was because she simply existed outside of Lexa’s world, not allowing herself to consider the possibility that Lexa might be feeling anything deeper for her. Even so, Clarke felt a drive to keep giving that to Lexa, a space to exist without expectations. She felt a duty to always allow Lexa this one, small indulgence, as her own modest form of repayment. Always? Clarke wasn’t sure how she had gotten to ‘always’ based on the subtle shift of a few vertebrae.  

“Should I – should I go? You seem tired, and I really don’t want to be any more of an imposition than I already have…” Clarke trailed off as Lexa’s head shot up.

“No, please. Don’t go.” Lexa looked surprised by her outburst, quickly looking back down at the floor and rubbing nervously at the back of her neck.

Okay, so maybe Clarke was providing her with some comfort, or at least some company. Whatever it was, she felt like being here was the least she could do after Lexa had saved her life. But she wanted to take that distant look out of Lexa’s eyes, the one that seemed to be considering and reconsidering a million different things at once.

“Come on, let’s go back to the kitchen. I’m sure you’re hungry, it’s part of the whole healing thing. Metabolism or something, I’m sure you can figure out more about it than I can,” Lexa said with a bit of a grin. Of course she was right, Clarke was famished, and also oddly satisfied with Lexa’s answer. Metabolism was in her wheelhouse, she might have a chance at not feeling like an idiot today.

++++

After fixing Clarke a grilled cheese sandwich and then another grilled cheese sandwich, Lexa sat down next to her. As Clarke wolfed down her food, Lexa started talking, “I know you heard some of our conversation earlier and we didn’t really finish talking yesterday, but before we get to all that, how are you feeling?”

Clarke looked back at her with a toothy grin, dusting the crumbs of her hands. “Better now, thanks. I think I did wake up feeling a little less shell-shocked today. Like, I might actually be coherent today.”

Lexa chuckled, “Well, I didn’t face any groundbreaking revelations this weekend, so I guess I don’t really have any excuse for yesterday, but I’m hoping to be coherent today too.”

“So long as we’re both out of sorts, then neither one of us has to feel bad about it, right?”

Lexa swallowed and nodded, “Yeah, out of sorts, of course.” She held Clarke’s gaze for a moment before continuing. “I know you must be dying for answers, so bring it on. What do you want to know?”

“Oh, you have no idea. I’ve got a running list of questions in my mind. Are you sure you’re ready for me?” Clarke asked playfully, trying lighten the mood a bit after the serious start to the day.

Lexa cocked her head to the side, one eyebrow raising. “I’m ready for you anytime, Clarke.”

Feeling the blush start to rise on her cheeks, Clarke looked down, clearing her throat. “Okay, let’s start easy. What day is it?”

“Well, thanks for starting with a soft ball,” Lexa replied with a smile. “So, it’s Sunday at about 5 p.m. You slept most of the day on Saturday after the…uh, incident, then we talked for a few hours last night until you crashed again for most of Sunday. Which brings us to now.”

“Right, it was dusk earlier, okay. Good old Pacific Northwest, dark at 4:30 all winter long. You all must love it here. How does that work anyway?”

“Yeah, it’s nice up here, for a lot of reasons. Mostly I just love the forest. It still exists here, not like some other places. I love how green it is.”

“Yeah, I think I’m starting to appreciate how green it is too,” Clarke said as she connected her eyes with Lexa’s, looking away as she felt that damn blush creeping back.

“Anyway, it’s not like you think. We don’t die in the sun, it just kind of feels like a hangover on steroids, or that’s what I hear at least…headache, nausea, weakness. It’s dangerous, not because we die from it, but it just leaves you totally vulnerable, unable to defend yourself,” Lexa added.

Clarke looked at her with curiosity. “Huh, that’s so much less…dramatic than I expected. But that’s good. I mean, I don’t want to worry about you bursting into flames or anything.”

Lexa chuckled, “I’m touched, really. But we do worry about certain vulnerabilities or people finding out what we are, were we live, all of that stuff. So I kind of have to ask, did you miss anything…well, is anyone…is your absence going to be suspicious?”

“I have to say, that was a very smooth way of asking if I’m single.” Clarke watched with amusement as Lexa jerked her head up, looking at her with alarm.

“What? Clarke, no. That’s not – I don’t need to know that. I just…” she paused, seeing that Clarke was smiling at her with a devious grin. “Okay, fine, you got me. Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke.” Lexa groaned before continuing, “Maybe I am still a little out sorts. Pressure’s off for you then, no need to be coherent for my sake. Really though, it would be helpful to know if anyone’s looking for you and if we need to find a way to explain this.” 

Clarke nodded. “Ok, well first of all, I’ll admit that I like to wind you up a little. This is a lot to take in and it feels like the playing field is a bit more even if I can see that you’re nervous too. Secondly, no, nobody was expecting me this weekend. I drove out to see my mom in Arkadia on Friday, but we got in a fight so I was driving back when this all happened. Nobody here is expecting to see me until work tomorrow morning.”

Lexa nodded, trying to decipher if Clarke was actually single from that vague answer, very curious now that Clarke had raised the question but somehow dodged answering it.

“Hmmm, I thought it was obvious that you make me more than a little nervous…this situation with you, I mean. You’ll have to take my word for it, I guess, until I can prove that I don’t usually need more than one attempt to start a sentence.” Lexa stopped, face turning serious. “I’m sure you gathered from that little conversation earlier that this kind of new for all of us.”

“Right, about that. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I could tell you were talking about me and I just needed to know if I was in danger.”

“I understand. I know this must be scary, we must be scary, probably terrifying. But you’re on Trikru land here and in Polis, and, well…now you’re under my protection…like, officially.” Lexa said, pitch going up on the last word, something Clarke had noticed was yet another endearing nervous tic of the brunette’s.

Clarke waved her hand at Lexa, “I know, I know, you don’t have to say it again. I’m safe. You’ve told me already, a lot, and I believe you.” She looked at Lexa, wanting to make sure she could see her sincerity as Clarke continued, “I want you to know that yes, I’m still trying to wrap my mind around everything, but being here with you isn’t scary. You don’t scare me. But I appreciate that you also don't want me to be scared of anyone else.”

“Clarke, if needed, my people will defend you with their lives…and I will too. But, there’s really no reason to worry about that now. You are safe.”

Clarke gave a dramatic sigh. “Is everything always so life and death around here?” she joked, happy to see that Lexa looked relieved rather than offended at her attempt to change the tone of the conversation. She pushed on, eager to get back to her questions.

“The fangs, what’s the deal?”

“Uh, we use them, you know, to feed”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Come on, I need more than that. You get to choose when they come out or not?”

Lexa opened her mouth about halfway, Clarke watching with rapt attention as Lexa’s incisors descended, ending in sharp points. It was so fast, Clarke could barely see how it happened, except that there they were. Sharp, glistening, slightly menacing. And then, in the blink of an eye they were gone again. Clarke leaned forward tentatively, heart beating fast. Fangs there and then gone, and now it was just Lexa’s mouth in front of her, plump lips slightly agape as Clarke felt herself getting closer.  What was happening? Was she about to kiss Lexa? What would that feel like? Would she kiss back? Clarke jerked back suddenly, feeling the warm heat of a blush spreading through her cheeks down her neck.

Lexa was staring at her, looking slightly bewildered, mouth still open. Clarke thought her pupils looked dilated, obscuring some of the green she was used to seeing. She stared straight into Clarke’s eyes, unreadable, mesmerizing. She saws Lexa’s fangs emerge again, and then a hand, gently covered hers and pulled it up towards Lexa’s face. Lexa placed Clarke’s palm against her cheek. While still covering her hand and holding it to her jaw, she moved Clarke’s thumb into her mouth, gently positioning the pad of her thumb alongside the fang. Clarke held her breath, unable to move as she took in the sensation of Lexa’s skin beneath her, so cool. Somehow soothing and electric at the same time. She had felt Lexa’s hand on hers a few times now, yet it still surprised her. It was like the contrast between them made her feel more alive, alight.

She looked in Lexa’s eyes, certain now that her pupils were wider, invading the green surrounding them. Lexa nodded slightly, trying to encourage Clarke to find the answers she needed. Clarke brushed her thumb down, feeling how sharp the point of the tooth was, but not pressing hard enough to break her skin. Then she stroked up, pausing when Lexa’s breath hitched as the top of her thumb brushed Lexa’s lip. She pushed upwards to run her finger along the gum line. She tried, oh god did she try, but she couldn’t resist her urge to feel more. Moving her thumb up further, she brushed her finger along Lexa’s top lip, feeling the soft skin move beneath her finger, as she caressed to the corner of her mouth.

She couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact after that, feeling like she’d overstepped, taken more than Lexa had intended to offer. She’d wanted to know, to see, and yes, to feel the fangs, but then she’d gone too far, made it too intimate. And she was embarrassed by how desperate she had been to feel more of Lexa, and there was simply no acceptable explanation for that. That was not a doctor-y, scientific curiosity kind of thing to do. Clarke felt like the awkwardness was starting to seep out of her pores. She pulled her hand back quickly, jerking it into her lap and starting to nervously tug at the fabric of her sweatpants as she stared down at her lap, knee bouncing erratically.

“I’m sorry that was…I overstepped.”

She chanced a glance back at Lexa, mouth still open, seeming to be in a daze. Lexa snapped her mouth closed, opened it again, seeming to be on the verge of speaking before closing it again.

Lexa reached over, putting her hand on Clarke’s knee, stilling her movement.

“No, that’s not…” Lexa cleared her throat, then continued, “It’s okay. I did kind of, you know, invite you into my mouth to begin with,” she stopped, snapping her jaw shut again. Clarke saw her look away, visibly cringing as she avoided eye contact. “Did I just say that? Can I unsay that? Can we just…strike that from the record.”

Clarke nodded at Lexa, finally feeling brave enough to look back at her. She noticed the fangs still extended in her mouth, curious if Lexa had just forgotten about them. “You’re still, uhhh…” Clarke waved at Lexa’s mouth, unsure how to finish. 

Lexa cleared her throat, looking uncomfortable. “Oh, yeah, sorry.” She stood abruptly, making herself busy on the other side of the kitchen. “Can I make you some tea?” she called over her shoulder. Clarke was confused by the sudden shift, but grateful for a moment to collect herself without Lexa’s eyes on her. What had just happened? What would have happened if she had kissed Lexa? Her mind wandered to that place again, the one she was trying to avoid, the one where she might just give in to her physical impulses.

When Lexa returned with two mugs of tea, she seemed at ease again and Clarke was happy to see that maybe she hadn’t weirded her out too much, despite, apparently her best efforts to do so.

“Okay, so you do control the fangs. Good to know that Anya was trying to scare the shit out of me on purpose.”

Lexa laughed, “Well, we basically control it. It takes a little time to get the hang of it. But, that does becomes a little trickier in, uhhh, some situations.”

Clarke furrowed her brow, “Like…”

Lexa sighed, very obviously looking away from Clarke, “Like times when emotions are running high. You know, fighting, feeding…and other stuff.”

“Right, other stuff. Got it. Well, that’s good to know too.” Clarke paused for a moment, considering the implications. Wait, why was Lexa being weird now? Was she blushing?

_No! Do not jump to conclusions! Just because you found it oddly hot to have your thumb in a stranger’s mouth does not mean she did too. Don’t be messy!_

Well, since things were already awkward, Clarke figured she might as well dive into the one question she'd been afraid to ask the day before. She took a deep breath, exhaling as she spat out the words, almost too quickly for Lexa to catch. "Did-you-drink-any-of-my-blood-Friday-night?"

Lexa choked on her tea, coughing before her eyes shot toward Clarke, wide and surprised, eyebrows raised impossibly high on her forehead. "NO! Of course not, no, I would never...that's not...but how would you know that?" Lexa took a deep breath, steadying herself before continuing, "That's not something I would ever do without your consent. Not that we would be in that situation necessarily or consenting to whatever, you know, things that needed to be consented to." Lexa paused, again taking a slow breath. "Okay, third try. Clarke, that's a fair question, but no. I already feel uncomfortable with how things proceeded, but I felt like it was necessary to save your life. Nothing happened that I haven't already told you. I'm sorry you were worried about this."

Clarke was surprised at how vehement and heartfelt Lexa's response was. "I guess I didn't realize how seriously you viewed it. I wasn't scared per se, I just wanted to know everything."

Lexa blushed before replying "Yeahhh, you're not really familiar with our ways. That's kind of a sacred...or intimate thing to share. More so than sex for us, really."

Clarke let the implications roll around her mind. She wasn't really 'present' at the time, but is that how Lexa viewed her gift to Clarke on Friday? Clarke saw now that it was a gift, an incredibly personal one. Thoughts started creeping into her mind, wondering why Lexa had done any of this, what her motivation was. 

Clarke cleared her throat, trying to play off her now growing nerves and curiosity, but she did want to know more. Not just about vampires, but about Lexa. Who she is, who she was, all of it.

“So how old are you?”

Lexa laughed, the tension breaking between them. “Hmm, I don’t usually do the math. My parents were early pilgrims to this country. I was born here, grew up working the land with my family. It was…simple, nice. I was turned in my late 20s, and time has just kept on passing since then.”

Clarke’s jaw hung slightly ajar. She didn’t know how to fathom the breadth of Lexa’s experiences on this earth, but she probed for more. “There’s definitely more to that story, and I want to know it. But I’m not going to push you. Sometime, when you want to share, I’m ready to listen.”

Lexa looked at her with sad eyes. “A tale for another time. You don’t live this long without tragedy. It’s part of why we keep to ourselves so much now. Keeps us safer, keeps you safer.”

“So you just shut everyone out and what? Survive?”

“Not everyone, not you.” Lexa replied softly.

Clarke reached over, grabbing her hand. “I - I don’t know how to say this without being weird. Weirder than I’ve already been today, but I need you to know that you can trust me. You’re safe with me too. I can’t necessarily protect you in the same way, but I can be…a friend…or person, for you. I mean, someone you can just be with.” She watched as Lexa’s face fell just slightly, probably not even realizing that her mouth had curved down just so.

_Friend? Really? Who knew it was possible to clam jam yourself._

“Shit, it’s getting late, and I’m not saying things the way I want,” Clarke said as she tried to salvage the situation and bring Lexa’s smile back, but it seemed like the moment had passed.

“Of course, I’ll have Gustus take you home. Let me grab your things.”

Lexa stood and left the room quickly. Clarke still had so many unanswered questions, yet somehow the first one on her mind was whether she was crazy for thinking that there was some connection between her and Lexa. She couldn’t explain it, she just felt a need to get closer and know more of her.

Lexa returned shortly with a bag in her hand. “We washed your clothes. I think they’re ruined, but here they are anyway. Lincoln also brought back your cellphone last night when he went to arrange for your car to be fixed. Screen’s cracked, but may still work after you charge it.”

“What do you mean arranged? Where’s my car? I guess it doesn’t matter. Just let me know where to pick it up and who to pay.”

Lexa shook her head. “Clarke, it’s already taken care of. If you can survive without a car for a few days, we can have it back to you before the end of the week.”

“No, that’s totally unacceptable. I can’t do that,” Clarke replied quickly.

Lexa looked at her with alarm. “Well, okay, I can loan you a car then. Will that work for you? Is stick shift okay?”

Clarke’s voice started rising, Lexa looking like a deer in headlights. “No! You’re not paying for this or arranging it or whatever. You’ve already done too much and I can’t let you extend yourself any further.” She was already feeling guilty about the ripples she’d obviously already caused in the brunette’s life and refused to add financial burden to the mix.

Lexa huffed out a breath, “Clarke, money means nothing to me. I have enough, I can get more if I need it. Good investing plus having a 100 years to watch the stock market grow will do that. But I also understand why you won’t accept my help. Ryder is fixing your car. He’s a friend and he won’t charge me or you for his time. If you insist, I will have him tell you the price for parts.”

Clarke looked at Lexa suspiciously. She had expected more of a fight, planning to dig her heels in. She was genuinely grateful that Lexa had respected her wishes enough not to argue with her. It felt…respectful.  

Lexa walked Clarke towards the front door, both women moving slowly, unsure of how to part after the intensity of the past few days. Lexa thrust her hand out awkwardly. Ignoring the extended arm, Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders, holding her close. Feeling Lexa stiffen, Clarke had time for a thousand doubts to cross her mind before she felt those shoulders relaxing again, tentative hands reaching around her back, embracing her in return.

Scared that whatever bond connected them would be severed when she left, Clarke wanted to squeeze the most out of these last moments. Pulling back, she turned her head, pressing her lips to Lexa’s cheek. This time, she expected the feel of Lexa’s chilled skin, yet still found herself completely enraptured by how it felt under her lips. Not like with her fingers, not at all. This was…more, like exponentially more, indescribably more. More than she could think about right now.

She pulled back, hands dropping down, grazing Lexa’s collar bones as they fell. She watched as Lexa’s eyes drifted open.

“May we meet again,” Clarke whispered out.

Lexa remained unmoving, watching as Clarke turned towards door.

“Wait, Clarke.” She reached out, encircling Clarke’s wrist with her hand, feeling the rapid pulse beneath her fingers. Clarke turned to look at her, almost expectantly, like she was hoping Lexa could find a way to justify extending their time together. “Have dinner with me. Tomorrow.”

Clarke’s throat was dry and she didn’t trust her voice. She simply nodded. Felt compelled to agree, like there was no other option except absolute compliance with the request.

Lexa swallowed, nodded back. “Okay, tomorrow. I’ll pick you up. Good night Clarke.”

And then she watched as Clarke walked out the door.

++++

The ride back to her apartment was short and silent. Gustus was a mountain of a man, and apparently one of few words. Clarke stared out the window, well aware that Gustus was eyeing her through the rearview mirror. She watched the forest turn to a few small farms before entering the streets of Polis. It wasn’t a big town, but there were still some people out on the street. Clarke watched them as they passed, maybe going home or out for a last drink with friends before the week began. Suddenly it all seemed so common. She loved the slow pace and straightforwardness of small town life, but now she just felt separate, apart from it all.

The car slowed to a stop. Clarke looked up at Gustus, eyes narrowing. “I’m not even going to ask how you know where I live.” She reached for the handle, readying to get out before she heard Gustus clear his throat.

“I don’t know you, and you’ve given me no reason not to trust you, but I will protect Lexa at all costs. Don’t give me a reason to question your motivations. I’m not going to try to understand why she did what she did, but you need to understand that if she faces any danger, I will hold you fully accountable. And I’m not just talking about physical harm. She’s been through too much for her emotions to be toyed with. You will not like me if we have to revisit this conversation. Are we clear?”

Clarke nodded, rushing to get out the car.

She made her way up to her apartment, too exhausted to do anything except set the alarm and crash onto her bed, finding an odd comfort in still wearing Lexa’s clothes.

++++

_Clarke woke with a start, something that was apparently becoming a new habit. She was at home, in her own bed, yet she still felt the prickle on the back of her neck telling her someone was watching. Heart racing, she scanned the room. Standing by the open window was Lexa, moonlight outlining her strong jaw._

_She looked at Clarke with piercing, dark eyes._

_“I needed to see you. We have unfinished business.”_

_Clarke looked back, nodding as Lexa stepped towards her, reaching the edge of the bed and crawling towards her._

_“This…belongs to me,” Lexa said as she pulled at Clarke’s shirt. Clarke wasn’t sure if she meant the shirt or her, but she also really didn’t fucking care. She just nodded, again, not trusting herself with words._

_Lexa leaned forward, pulling Clarke’s face towards her, meeting her lips with a searing kiss. It was nothing like their tentative touches before. Lexa was oozing confidence, moving against Clarke in a messy clash of tongues and teeth. It was fierce, heated and dirty. All need and want. Clarke felt Lexa’s hands slide down her body, reaching the hem of her shirt and tugging upwards, stealing her breath as her tongue roamed and explored Clarke’s mouth. Lexa pulled back, just enough to lift Clarke’s shirt off of her, enough for Clarke to meet her eyes. Looking into Lexa’s lust blown pupils sent a jolt of heat straight down her spine, spreading through her abdomen and settling between her legs._

_She nodded at Lexa, giving her the sign she needed to continue. Leaning back in, she pressed her lips to Clarke’s before moving to her jaw line, kissing up to her ear. Clarke could hear heavy breaths against the shell of her ear as Lexa’s hands started gliding up her sides, thumbs grazing just under her breasts before moving back down._

_“I think you want this as much as I do, Clarke,” Lexa rasped into her ear. Clarke moaned, just hearing that voice, dripping with desire for her, all for her. “Mmmm, that’s what I thought, but I want you to tell me,” Lexa whispered._

_“Yes, God yes, please. More, I need more,” Clarke rushed out, breathy, as she felt Lexa’s hands slide back up her body, skimming over her breasts, fingers lingering as they slipped over her nipples._

_Lexa dipped her head, kissing her way down Clarke’s neck. Clarke could feel the pressure of her teeth, sharp when Lexa stopped to nip and suck more of Clarke’s skin into her mouth. It sent shockwaves through her body, leaving her shuddering and too turned on to feel any shame at the moans and gasps leaving her mouth. She looked down to see a smirking Lexa looking back at her._

_“Is this what you need, Clarke?”_

_God, did she know what that voice did to her? How the single syllable of her name coming from Lexa’s mouth left her needy…and wet, she could tell now, the fire moving through her, leaving her uncomfortable aroused and so, so ready for more._

_Clarke nodded as Lexa lowered her mouth, licking a circle around Clarke’s nipple. It felt so good, her tongue cooling the burn her under the skin, but it was a still such a tease. Clarke lurched upwards, trying to push more of herself into Lexa. Lexa pulled back, smirk still fixed to her face._

_“I love you seeing you like, so desperate, so needy. All for me. Only me.” Lexa said as her hand cupped Clarke’s breast, squeezing, and moving to roll the stiff nipple between her fingers._

_Clarke moaned again, deep and throaty. “All for you, it’s all for you,” she husked back._

_Lexa dipped down, kissing along the top of Clarke’s breast. She looked down to see Lexa gazing back at her, a question in her eyes. Clarke nodded, incapable of saying no, needing to satisfy Lexa as desperately as she needed her own release. Lexa turned back to her skin, licking across her chest before dragging her mouth across the top of Clarke’s breast. Clarke felt the graze of something sharp along her skin. She watched as a thin line of blood appeared on her, just a scratch really, bright against her smooth, pale skin. She felt a hint of pain, enough to make the pleasure of Lexa’s tongue on her body all the more satisfying in contrast. She watched as Lexa licked along the line, eyes closing, a hum leaving her open mouth, sending vibrations through Clarke’s skin to her very soul._

_Lexa moved both hands to Clarke’s breasts, massaging as her mouth descended down her chest, tongue dipping into her belly button before kissing lower…_

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

Clarke jerked upwards, slamming her hand across the alarm. She looked around, saw that daylight was starting to filter into her room, her empty room. Clarke looked down at her clothed body, almost surprised to see the shirt still covering her. She groaned as she fell backwards, the frustration of the dream washing over her. She was irritated, annoyed, angry even. This could not go on. She couldn’t wake up every morning with sex on her mind, distracted by sweaty dreams and damp underwear all day.

Well, there was one way to resolve part of that problem. Clarke slid her hand down her body, wasting no time, knowing that the dream had her halfway home already. As she moved under the waistband of the sweats, she felt a little dirty knowing what she was about to do in Lexa’s clothes…dirty in all the right ways. She gasped when she finally reached past her trimmed hair to the wetness below. She was slick, fingers gliding over her throbbing clit. This was…unprecedented, alone or with someone else. She’d never felt herself so wet, so in need of touch. So she obliged, the slickness making it so easy to move her finger tips in tighter and faster circles, arching up and moaning as she came just moments after starting…also, unprecedented. Clarke decided not to dwell on why, choosing to just be happy that at least she could get on with her morning, satisfied and confident that she had inoculated herself against being totally distracted all day.

Oh, how very wrong she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all for the encouragement, comments, kudos, etc. It's a little bit of a weird feeling to sit down and write this, and then just send it out blindly into the world. Anyway, feedback makes it feel like there's a point to all that. 
> 
> First fic and all, so obviously also my first try at writing something to earn that M rating. Hope you liked it, even if it is just Clarke's subconscious at work.


	4. Not Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets to be awkward and uncomfortable too!

 

Clarke reluctantly pulled herself out of bed. Monday mornings, always a bitch…especially when your alarm clock interrupts things at just the wrong time. Still feeling the heat under her skin, she took a cold shower, hoping to shake off the weekend and start work refreshed.

Of course, nothing could ever be that easy. Clarke was distracted all morning. It wasn’t that she was thinking of Lexa exactly, she just couldn’t get herself to focus like she usually did. Clarke loved her job, except today apparently. She took her work seriously. It was a humbling responsibility and she knew that when she put on her stethoscope and white coat every morning, she was also shouldering the weight of every decision she made for her patients. But she couldn’t imagine things any other way, because  they needed her, simple as that. Of course, she’d grown up around the hospital, understood how to work with the beautiful, messy complexities of humans and bodies and health.

But Clarke was different than her mother. She remembered watching her meteoric rise to chief of surgery at Arkadia Memorial, seeing the rush she got from performing under pressure and receiving the accolades that piled up in response, and of course, the pride, sometimes bordering on hubris, as her authority and power in the hospital grew. Yeah, Clarke had always known that wasn’t the blueprint she would follow. It still hurt that her mother was disappointed in her choice to abandon the prestige of surgery and focus on primary care, in a small town like Polis no less. In fact, that’s what had led to the fight on Friday night, catalyzing the chain of events that had led her to Lexa.

And there we are, back at Lexa. Thank God it was slow today, oddly slow. Hopping up, Clarke decided to clear her mind with a quick walk. She popped her head around the corner, hoping Octavia was free for a coffee break. They had met on Clarke’s first day, instantly hitting it off. Even better luck, Octavia needed a roommate just when Raven decided to purge herself of everything Finn and move out of the apartment they had once shared. Octavia was fiercely independent and a great physical therapist. She liked to joke that PT really stood for ‘pain threshold’, somehow getting people to suffer through the worst treatments while loving her all the more for doing it.    

“Heyyyyy, Dr. G! You’re looking a little mopey there. What’s up?”

“Always appreciate your honesty, O. Look like I feel, I guess. Coffee?”

Octavia nodded, getting up off the foam roller she had been rolling on.

Once they had returned, caffeine in hand, Octavia stopped for a moment. “Everything okay? You seem a little off? Bad trip home this weekend?”

Clarke wished she could just spill everything, but she knew she couldn’t. Not yet at least. She didn’t even know how to begin that conversation.

“Yeah, weird weekend. You know, trip to Arkadia, predictable fight with mom. I guess it’s all been weighing on my mind.”

Vague, but at least that was all true. Clarke was feeling weighed down. It wasn’t that anything bad happened, well anything bad that hadn’t been remedied, but now she just felt like she was in a fog, burned out and weary. But it wasn’t the situation that was getting to her, it was Lexa. Lexa was tiring her brain out. Clarke shook her head, irritated that she hadn’t realized this before.

“Hey, O, I know this is short notice, but do you think I could borrow your car tonight? Mine’s in the shop, but I could drop you off after work and then have it back later tonight?”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you need.” Octavia squeezed her arm, before walking down the hall.

A plan, that's what Clarke needed, and it was starting to come together in her head. She had to figure out how to get herself back on track, focused, before anyone else noticed her current state. She couldn’t just check out, not when people were relying on her.  She needed to get on top of things, now.

_Do not think about getting on top of Lexa. Do not think about getting on top of Lexa. Do not think about getting on top of Lexa. Damn it!_

Clarke sighed, heading back to her office to prep for her next patient. Thankfully, the rest of the day passed by quickly with Clarke busily jumping between patients and charting. She was feeling a bit better, keeping busy enough to stop dwelling on whatever this thing was that was going on with Lexa. All the same, she was eager to wrap up after her last patient, jumping to grab her jacket the second they were out the door. As she was stepping over to grab Octavia, she felt her phone vibrate.

 **Unknown:** Looking forward to seeing you this evening. Will 7:30 still work?

“Woah, what’s get you all frowny?” Octavia said as she walked up to Clarke.

Clarke grunted, “Just some business I have to take care of.”

“Okay, grumps. Well, get me home and then handle whatever this is because I don’t want to see that look on your face tomorrow,” Octavia said as she pointed at Clarke’s phone.

The drive was short, Octavia jumping out with a quick, “Good luuuuuuck”. Clarke sighed, relieved that she could get on with what she needed to do.

++++

Driving out of Polis, Clarke could remember most of the turns Gustus had taken, only having to u-turn once on her way. Pulling into the driveway, she realized that Lexa’s house looked bigger than she remembered, all modern and woodsy like it was straight out of an architecture magazine. Clarke huffed. It was all so…so…so irritating.

She jumped out of the car, striding to the door with purpose and banging loudly with her fist. Several moments passed with Clarke hearing nothing from the other side. She banged again, yelling through the door, “Lexa! Open up! I need to talk to you, now!” Yeah, she knew she was being a little dramatic, but she was also starting to feel a touch of self-doubt creep in. She’d already made the decision to come out here unannounced, so there was no room for ambivalence now. Time to dive in and fully commit to this.

Finally, the door opened. Lexa stood in front of her, of course, in fucking leather pants again.

Lexa looked at her, confused, cocking her to the side. “Uhh..”

Clarke held up her hand. “No, stop right there. I don’t want you talk and do whatever it is you do where I, like, have to do what you say.” Lexa’s head tilted even further.

“Clarke, wha—“

“I said don’t talk!” rushed out. “The only thing I want you to tell me is how long this thing lasts,” Clarke said, gesturing between the two of them.

“Thing? Clarke what are you—“

Clarke started stepping towards Lexa, face red and flustered as she waved her hands around. “This! You and the me-thinking-about-you thing, you know, with the dreams,” Clarke cleared her throat, “…and the stuff that happens in the dreams. I need to know when whatever’s happening is going to wear off. I have shit to do!” She stopped talking…and walking. She hadn't realized that she had backed Lexa up all the way against the table in the entryway, simply with the force of her conviction. Or because she was acting like a crazy person. Clarke realized it was a fine line, but she blamed Lexa for her inability to see the distinction at the moment.

Lexa’s eyes were wide, shock evident on her face, but then Clarke saw the exact moment when Lexa’s brain caught up and figured out what was happening, a soft ‘ohhhhhhhh’ leaving her lips as realization hit her. A soft smile spread across her face as nervous laughter bubbled up, Lexa trying to fight it but ultimately failing, giggling awkwardly as she stared back at Clarke.

It was almost adorable, but Clarke was here to be mad and damn it, that’s what she was going to do. Clarke let out a noise of disgust as she turned and started pacing in the foyer. Lexa watched her, trying to hold the laughter in, taking a few deep breathes as she recomposed herself. 

“Clarke,” she sighed with resignation. “Just…well, shit, this is really my fault. I was nervous this weekend and I didn’t think about all things I needed to tell you. But there’s something I need to ask first – did you watch True Blood?” 

“What? What does that have to do with anything?”

“Yes or no, Clarke?”

“Yeah, I mean, but I haven’t watched it in years. And you better be getting to a point soon.”

“Uhhhh, so that’s not real. You know that, right? Like, it’s not based on anything real, definitely not us. I can’t tell you what to do. I wouldn’t want to anyway, but I can’t. Do you think if I had that kind of power Donald Trump would be President? Or, you know the Salem witch trials would have happened…Oh, also, never ask Anya about that by the way. Big misunderstanding plus, you know, the age old tale of men being afraid of women with power…but, whatever, I’m getting off topic. I’m just saying, I can’t do that.”

Clarke’s bravado of a few moments before was rapidly leaving. She stopped her pacing, turning to stare at Lexa with her jaw slightly agape.

“But – but – but what about the whole, ‘Clarke, have dinner with me’ thing?” Clarke said, with an obviously unflattering impersonation of Lexa’s voice. “Like, you didn’t even ask, you just told me and I just agreed.”

Lexa’s face fell. She looked down, closing her eyes for a moment as she clenched her jaw. “You must have known that you could have said no. You can say no. You can walk out the door right now and never see me again if that’s what you want. I mean, I hope you don't, but I can’t make you want anything.”

“Fuck!” Clarke yelled out in frustration, louder than she intended. She worked her jaw back and forth several times before starting again, softer now. “I don’t know what to think. I guess I didn’t really think about it all. I just felt like I had to see you again, but I didn’t know why.” Clarke was quiet, deep in thought, scanning Lexa’s face for any sign that Lexa was hiding something about how this all worked.

Lexa cringed a little bit, but she knew she had to get this next part out. Clarke deserved to know. She broke eye contact, looking down as she brought her hand up to rub at the back of her neck. Clarke hated that even her nervous habits were kind of cute.

“Umm, and that other thing, that’s not a thing either.” Lexa stopped, watching as Clark narrowed her eyes, face otherwise unreadable.

_Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God._

_No no no no no no no no no no no no_

_This is bad. So bad. So, so bad._

Clarke felt a full body cringe creep through her, like her pride was collapsing into itself and disappearing into some black hole that she was sure it would never escape from. The embarrassment rolled over her in waves, getting better for a moment before crashing back over her.

Lexa cleared her throat, feeling a desperate need to fill the silence that was rapidly transitioning from awkward to uncomfortable. “But thanks?!? Wait, no, what I mean is…well, this obviously isn’t about me. Things have been really…intense the past few days. So, yeah, it totally makes sense that you might have a lot of confusing, umm, stuff in your head right now. And maybe some of that would transfer to me?? So if  --“

“Oh my God, okay, please stop, just stop talking. It’s only making this last longer, and I kind of need it to end right now so I can just spend the rest of my life trying to forget that I burst into your house in a fit of rage to confront you about…uhh, well, sex dreams, that apparently you have nothing to do with, you know, except the obvious. No point in beating around the bush when I’ve already humiliated myself. So, yeah, I’m going to leave, maybe walk into the woods and disappear for 3 months. I don’t know, haven’t decided yet. But, yeah, bye.”

Lexa was blushing furiously now, pink tinged from her neck to her ears, yet her expression was so tender, trying to convey how much she wanted to make Clarke comfortable again.

“Clarke, no, please. It’s already forgotten…if that’s what you want.”

Clarke sighed. “Yeah, I think you’re right. This isn’t like me, not really. I guess maybe I’m not okay after...” she trailed off, unsure how to put whatever she was feeling into words. But then she just gave up, her brain unwilling to delve further into this right now. “…Not yet.”

Lexa swallowed, nodding her head.

“Bye Lexa,” Clarke said as she turned and walked out the door.

Lexa stood there for a moment watching her leave before turning and taking a deep breath, eyes starting to glisten as she tilted her head up and gazed out the window at nothing at all.

++++

Clarke arrived back at her apartment, the drive back a haze of self-doubt. Maybe Lexa had been right. Maybe the emotions of the accident had just made everything seem heightened. Had Lexa saving her made her attraction more intense? Obviously, Lexa was gorgeous, but that didn’t really explain the vividness and intensity of her dreams. A break would be good. Some time to clear her head, let things settle.

Clarke climbed into bed, exhausted but unable to fall asleep. Of course there was the embarrassment still clinging to her, but something else was gnawing at her now. She grabbed her phone. There was one more thing she needed to do, then maybe sleep would come easier.

 **Clarke:** Are you up?

 **Lexa:** Yes, just having a totally uneventful and quiet evening at my house.

Clarke appreciated the effort, she really did. It made this a little easier. She pressed the call button.

“Hello Clarke”

“Hi Lexa. Listen, I just need to get this out, so I’m going to talk and then I’m going to hang up. And then maybe it would be nice if we never talk about this ever again. I wanted you to know that I do have a lot going on in my mind and it has made things really, really confusing, but I also should have thought about all of those things before coming at you with assumptions and accusations. That wasn’t fair and I’m sorry. It’s not even about what you can or can’t do. I’m not sure why, but I do trust you, at least not to manipulate or coerce me even if you could. I guess all I can say is that I really felt – no, feel, I feel like there’s something different about you, or spending time with you, that I can’t really explain so my mind made all kinds of leaps. But I do think I need some time to just process, I guess. I hope when things feel clearer…well, I guess, I just hope you’ll pick up the phone when I call again.”

And then Clarke hung up, feeling like she had at least made some amends. Her phone buzzed and she reached over to check the text.

 **Lexa:** Thank you, really. I look forward to answering your next call.

Well at least Carke didn’t have to feel guilty on top of embarrassed now. And her dreams were free of Lexa, though, in all fairness, there wasn’t much time for dreaming as she tossed and turned restlessly through the night.

++++ 

Tuesday and Wednesday had passed, with Clarke able to throw herself into work. She was blissfully busy during the day and filled her evenings with dense medical articles. It was after work on Thursday, and Clarke had decided to grab coffee with Raven to catch up on the past few days. Raven was going on about work and some new project she was working on with seaweed decomposition…or seawater reclamation? Clarke had tried to stay focused, but it really was a different language to her.

A little bored, her mind started wandering, to exactly to where she’d been trying keep it from going. Lexa. Lexa, Lexa, Lexa. While she was desperate to reach out to her, just to reminder herself that Lexa was real, she was still feeling the rawness of her embarrassment. It had taken all of her will power not to curl up in the fetal position and watch puppy videos under the covers for a week straight. So no, no reaching out to Lexa. Not yet. She realized she was way beyond playing it cool, but she still desperately needed to salvage some of her ego. And she really had meant what she’d said about getting some space from her and the whole situation. Was three days enough time? Or maybe she shouldn’t be trying to fight the pull towards Lexa at all?

Clarke was drawn out of her daze by the snapping of Raven’s fingers in front of her face. “Hellloooo, earth to Clark. Not sure where you drifted off to there, but you can come back now. I promise not to talk engineering anymore.” Raven sighed dramatically. “I know not everyone can be blessed with my genius. Seriously though, what’s got you all distracted? I can’t even tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing keeping your mind in the clouds.”

“Yeah, me either, I guess.”

“Oooh, sounds like something good. Or someone. Yes! Someone! Please tell me you have a good story for me. I neeeeeed to live vicariously through you. Wick’s fine, but he has, like one move, and I’m getting kinda bored of it,” Raven whined.

Oh, if Raven only knew. Then again, if she did, she would spend the rest of their lives making fun of Clarke at any and every opportunity. Thank God there at least hadn’t been any witnesses to ‘the event’, as Clarke had now named it for herself.

Assuming Clarke’s silence was some kind of admission of guilt - or sin really - Raven pressed on, “Yes! Yes! Yes! Don’t we deserve something good? Finn was shitty in bed and apparently even shittier outside of it. Get it, Griffin. You earned yourself a sexual walkabout.”

Clarke choked slightly, spitting her coffee back into her cup and looking back at Raven annoyed. “Rae, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“It’s like a thing. I saw it on 30 Rock, so it’s totally legit. Take time to go do all the things, people, whatever that you need to. Like Eat, Pray, Love, but just Sex, Sex, Sex.”

Clarke was chuckling, shaking her head back and forth. She and Raven had met under the worst of circumstances, both finding out in one terrible evening that their ‘live-in boyfriend’ was a cheating piece of garbage, splitting his time between the two of them and leading totally separate lives in Arkadia and Polis. Totally separate until Clarke happened to see them when she visited Polis to interview for her job. After following them home (creepy…but justifiably necessary), she had knocked on the apartment door, confronting the two in a fury of rage. Of course, Raven had been just as stunned, maybe even more so, having grown up as friends with Finn before they’d started dating. After kicking him out, Raven invited Clarke in, ordered a ton of Chinese food and they sat crying, eating and watching Vanderpump Rules for the next 48 hours. _Don’t judge, it was a hard time._ After that, they had been fast friends. Raven could be abrasive and cocky, but that was only one layer and Clarke appreciated that underneath it all, she was deeply loyal and but also exceptionally skilled at calling you on your shit when needed.

“Ohhhh-kay, you’re in orbit again. Good timing, looks like this is work and I have to take it,” Raven said as she stood up to step outside and take her phone call. “Pull yourself together while I’m gone,” she added with a wink before walking away.

Clarke felt a little bad. She had been distracted. Looking around, she saw that the coffee shop was starting to empty out. Her eyes glanced around until she settled on the person, well the backside of a person, standing at the counter to order. Familiar maybe, but Clarke couldn’t place the figure. Long dark hair, pulled back in braids. Loose tank top showing off strong shoulders. Black running tights accentuating long legs and the perfect curve of a nice, firm...

_Oh god, they’re turning around. Look away! Look away!_

Clarke eyes shifted erratically, trying not to look at whoever had maybe just caught her ogling them. She tried to catch a glimpse out of her peripheral vision, while steadfastly gazing out towards the window.

_Of course. This is your punishment for laughing at that kid in 3 rd grade when his pants fell down at recess…and for kind of leading that guy on at the café near campus so you could get free bagels in college…and for telling Nylah to stop talking because you really just wanted to get her clothes off…Okay, not helping. _

But seriously, what was Lexa doing here?

She watched as Lexa cocked her head and raise an eyebrow before walking over towards her. Yeah, she looked as good from the front as she did from behind. But still, the image of her here, looking normal, was really throwing Clarke for a loop. Well, looking almost normal. Her walk, the way she held her head, it was different, somehow timeless but also clearly not of this time. Her posture stood out, unaffected by the hunching over computer screens and cellphones that left all of Clarke’s contemporaries curling into themselves, shrinking into place.

Lexa smiled down at her. “Hello, Clarke. This is an unexpected pleasure.”

Clarke stood up, already feeling slightly off-kilter and not wanting to add to this weirdness by craning her neck to stare up at Lexa.

“What are you wearing?” Clarke blurted. Yep, definitely a little off-kilter.

_Well, that didn’t come out right. New rule, no speaking. At all. For a long time._

”Uhh, running clothes?”

“Yeah, I mean, I know. But you just look all…young…and modern.”

Lexa laughed, looking back with a playful grin. “So, are you telling me I usually look old and dated?”

Clarke blushed. Of course that’s not what she meant, but she also couldn’t exactly explain that Lexa looked amazing in everything, but maybe even hotter in tight workout clothes.

“Ugghh, no. You know what I mean, right?” Clarke sighed. This was getting worse. Might as well keep it real if you’re going to crash and burn anyway. “See, I thought after earlier this week and the thing that we won’t talk about because it didn’t happen, I thought I had reached my rock bottom. Well, apparently there’s a subbasement. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, yeah, it is a little weird to see you here, in normal clothes.”

Lexa could tell Clarke was anxious, subtly shifting her weight from side to side. She desperately wanted to put her at ease. “I could say the same about you, you know. Can’t really picture you in anything but my sweats…” Lexa trailed off, eyes bugging out. “…not that I was trying to, or picturing you at all, but I wasn’t not thinking about you either?!? So, anyway, I decided to go for a run when I woke up today and this is what I’m wearing.”

Great, now they were both blushing and looking at the ground. Clarke cleared her throat, hoping to get things back on track. She raised her eyes, lip curling up in confusion, “Do you, like, have to run?”

Lexa chuckled, “No, but I like to. Clears my mind.”

She watched as Clarke’s face somehow scrunched up even further. “That might be the most disturbing thing you’ve said to me yet.” She paused, eyeing Lexa suspiciously. “But seriously, you get to look like this, forever, without ever having to think about it?” Clarke waving her hand up and down towards Lexa for emphasis.

Lexa looked amused, trying to hold back a satisfied grin, “Yep. Guess I should consider myself lucky. You know, grew up farming and everything, better workout than crossfit.”

“Guess we’re all lucky,” Clarke mumbled out, hoping Lexa hadn’t heard her. But of course she had. And she was still looking at Clarke, smirk firmly in place now.

Clarke quickly tried to move on. “Wait, so, you ran here? From your house? Lexa, that’s like 10 miles away!”

And the smirk got a little bit bigger. “Right. Quick 30 minute jog, but I decided to grab a coffee, so I guess it’ll be 40 minutes now.”

Clarke stared at Lexa trying to do the math in her head.

Lexa chuckled, “I guess there are a lot of things we still haven’t talked about. But yeah, I’m faster than you. I mean, based on your reaction to running, I’d probably be faster than you anyway, but now I’m a lot faster.”

Clarke was nodding, trying to think about how this all worked, how Lexa worked.

Lexa went on, “Basically, we’re like you but better and with a very specific diet.” She threw Clarke a cheeky grin.

“Lexa, seriously, what does that mean?”

“Okay, okay, here’s the deal. Faster, stronger, heightened senses, all that stuff. We do what humans do, but generally at a higher level. To clarify…uh previous questions, there are no fancy mind tricks.” Lexa paused, thinking for a second. “Well, maybe some unfancy ones, but that’s more like chemical ---“

Clarke heard the barista call Lexa’s name, seeming to break Lexa out of whatever head space she had been in, realizing where they were and stopping midsentence. It had felt like just the two of them, despite the people and noises filling the room. “Well, that’s my cue, I guess.” Lexa said as she stepped back. “Call me, some day,” she added as she turned to get her drink.

Clarke could see Raven returning out of the corner of her eye. She sent a thank you to whatever higher power there might be for allowing Raven and Lexa to miss meeting by just a few moments. Oh but of course she couldn’t be that lucky.

“Who. The. Fuck. Is. That? And why are keeping her a secret? Don’t hold out on me Griff! You cannot keep an ass like that to yourself. Mm, mm, mmm, I would love to –“

“Really Raven? We’re in public.”

“Ohhhh, no, I see now. I get it. My bad. Don’t want to step on any toes. You know I love it when bisexual Griffin comes out to play…”

Clarke had been watching Lexa, now standing at the counter grabbing a lid. Watched as her back stiffened and head tilted just so. Did she…is it possible that she…but she was 20 feet away from them. Lexa was absolutely frozen in place, unmoving. Yeah, she could hear them. She could definitely hear them. And yet, despite Raven’s yammering, there was just one thing that had made her freeze. Was she surprised? Hadn’t Clarke made certain things abundantly, mortifyingly clear earlier…or was that Lexa meant when she said Clarke was having confusing feelings.

Well, aside from everything else, Clarke really needed to sit Lexa down and get the full details on all things vampire, because this hearing thing could become a problem.

_Oh god, no, Raven was still talking. Lexa was listening and Raven was still talking._

“…I mean, that razor sharp jaw line looks like it could cut a bitch, but damnnn, I’d take my chances if it means I got to have that face between my legs, you know what I mean.”

“Rae! Jesus!” Clarke slapped her hand over Raven’s mouth, needing to make this end immediately.

She held her hand there, both watching as Lexa walked towards the door, pausing to look back at Clarke, connecting green to blue, before winking as she strode out the door.

Clarke heard a muffled ‘dammmmmmmn’ leave Raven’s mouth before finally feeling like it was safe to remove her hand and let Raven speak again.

++++

Clarke woke the next morning sweaty and sticky. The details were hazy this time, maybe that was a blessing. Maybe not. Just flashes of Lexa remained. Lexa hot and sweaty, Lexa pressing into her, lifting her up by the backs of her thighs, Clarke wrapping around her, tasting the salt on her skin…at least their little run-in the night before had given dream Lexa a wardrobe change. Well, only one way to start the day now. Clarke tried to hold onto the images before they faded, hand snaking down below the waistband of her pajamas, a soft ‘Lexa’ leaving her lips as she came.

Yeah, this thing, it wasn’t going away.

Clarke really needed to start setting her alarm for a few minutes earlier.

 **Clarke:** Have dinner with me. Tomorrow.

 **Lexa:** Of course. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a humble thank you for the support. I promise there may be an actual plot at some point, but I also kind of just love making these two adorable weirdos be weird around each other.


	5. Yes Boss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More tension and more of Clarke's overactive imagination (of course). Plus Raven and Anya meet - yay!

Clarke sighed. Work was going by so slowly again. It was odd actually, she’d had two 'no shows' today, which was pretty uncommon. When she had called her missing patients, neither one had answered. Definitely weird. She’d have to try again tomorrow, at least that would be something to fill the time. Saturdays were walk-in hours so sometimes it was busy and other times there were hours without patients. She only had to work one Saturday every other month, but she’d much rather be doing other things tomorrow. Like getting ready for her dinner…date…thing with Lexa. Her mind started drifting, thinking about Lexa, thinking about what she wanted to ask her, what she should wear, what to make…well, that raises a few questions.

 **Clarke:** Sorry - I don’t think there’s any way for this not to sound like a weird question, but…do you eat? Food?

 **Lexa:** It’s a fair question. Yes, I can, I do, when I want to.

 **Clarke:** Okay, good. Do you want to tomorrow?

 **Lexa:** Yeah, Clarke. That’s still what dinner means, right? Or have I been out of touch for too long?

 **Clarke:** Fine, smart ass. Dinner for one. I’ll enjoy myself, you can watch.  

Ohhhh, oh no, that last part did not quite come out right, did it? Clarke reread her text, blushing. No reply from Lexa yet. Great. One accidental double entendre laying waste to whatever progress they’d made in actually being able to communicate with each other. Or maybe it wasn’t that bad? Maybe Lexa would miss it?

 **Clarke:** Sooo, I’ll make us dinner then. Any allergies? Preferences?

 **Lexa:** I’m sure I’ll enjoy the company, whatever you decide ;)

What did that even mean? A wink? Was she teasing? Was she flirting? Damn, Clarke was having a hard time reading her.

She might have to finally break down and seek outside assistance with this. As much as she hated to encourage her friend's behavior or admit that she sometimes admired it, Raven was self-assured and assertive and usually got what – who – she wanted.  Clarke needed a little bit of that right now. And Raven did kind of already know there was something going on with Lexa, so she wouldn’t necessarily have to give a whole background story.  

She texted Raven to see if she was up for a drink after work, which she agreed to without hesitation of course. They made plans to meet up at 6 pm, Clarke hinting at her need for some friendly advice. Clarke smiled to herself, happy to have a game plan, or at least a first step towards making a game plan.

++++

Clarke and Raven strolled into the Dropship, the main bar in town, looking around and seeing the familiar faces of almost everyone their age in Polis. Clarke scanned the room, stopping abruptly when she saw a pair chatting in the corner. Unmistakable sharp cheekbones, mischievous glint in her eyes…fucking Anya. Of course. She saw Anya start to chuckle and nod at her companion whose back was to Clarke, now turning her head. And yeah, of course again, Lexa. How had she gone months without seeing her - surely she would have noticed if she’d seen her before right? – and now they were running into each other all over town?

Raven’s eyes went wide when she followed Clarke’s gaze across the room. She cackled, clapping Clarke on the back with her hand.

“Shit, Rae, we were supposed to talk about her tonight, like right now. I can’t read her, it’s throwing me off. I’ve lost my Griffin charm, and fuck, now she’s coming over here.”

Raven was chuckling, looking between Clarke and Lexa as she saw Lexa and Anya stand up and start walking in their direction.

“Oh this is too, too good. Your face! You look panicked! Ok, we have about 30 seconds before they get here, so here’s the quick and dirty Raven Reyes pep talk – you’re hot, be you, if you get flustered, picture her naked and then say whatever pops into your mind. Wait a minute, don’t do that last part, it’s an advanced maneuver that you can’t handle. But seriously, judging by the way she’s looking at you, you’ve already worked your magic, so just, take it up a notch.” Raven winked at her before turning back to the approaching pair and letting her eyes wander up and down Lexa’s companion, absolutely no effort made to conceal what she was doing.

Clarke took in Lexa, all tailored and crisp today in a charcoal suit and white button down. She made everything look good, but she sure was wearing the fuck out of that suit. Clarke pictured Lexa in an office somewhere, standing by a big desk, windows behind her looking out onto some cosmopolitan skyline, on some kind of business call as Clarke traced the lapels of her jacket, gliding lightly down her body.

The sharp jab of Raven’s elbow digging into her side snapped her out of her little daydream. Right, Lexa and Anya were here, right in front of them right now, and everyone was staring at her. Raven and Anya both looked amused, while Lexa seemed concerned.  Oh God, had someone been talking? She’d missed something and had no idea what to say now.

_Get it together! You cannot keep developing new kinks every time you see Lexa in a different outfit…But seriously, she could be my boss anytime…Wait, no! Focus!_

“Sooooo, Clarke, introduce me to your friends,” Raven said, breaking the silence.

“Right, yeah of course, uhh, this is Lexa and that’s Anya.”

Raven cleared her throat next to Clarke, prompting Clarke to continue. “Oh right, and this is my friend Raven.”

Clarke and Lexa’s eyes were locked together, Lexa smiling just a bit as she let out a soft “hi”.

Clarke looked back, responding with a quick “hi”.

Lexa swallowed, before letting a quiet “hi” leave her lips…again. She closed her eyes for a moment, clearing her throat before trying again, “Ok, well, sorry, that was…uh…a little extra.”

Raven rolled her eyes as she looked back and forth between Lexa and Clarke.

Anya’s voice cracked their little spell. “I believe the word you’re looking for is Lextra, and yes, yes it was.”

Raven broke out into laughter, smirking at Anya.  “Okay, cheekbones, I like your style. Buy me a drink, because I gotta get out of here in case this awkwardness is contagious. Sure, they both look great, but damn, this is making all my lady business cringe. Love ya Griff, but I am way too charming to let you drag me down with….this,” Raven said as she waved her hand between Clarke and Lexa.

Anya laughed, eying Raven up and down, just as shamelessly and unapologetically as Raven had. “I’ll be the judge of that,” she replied, gesturing for Raven to follow her over to the bar.

Clarke grimaced. “That – that is going to be trouble.”

Lexa looked over at them. “Well, I give it 15 minutes before they’re either fighting or fucking. With Anya, it’s usually a coin toss which direction her night is going to go. Hope Raven wasn’t your ride home.”

Clarke chuckled, seeing the opportunity. “Why Lexa, are you offering take me home? So forward.” she answered with a teasing tone.

Lexa blushed, quickly staring down at her feet. “No – no, I mean, wait, did I say that? That’s not what I meant.”

“God you’re easy,” Clarke laughed out. “Well, maybe not easy in every way,” she added, trying to see if she could get Lexa to actually turn purple.

Lexa looked up, a playful glint in her eyes. “Okay, you got me, ha ha. I’m onto you now, you know. Have fun with your games, I’ll find a way to get you back.”

Clarke paused, voice getting quieter. “It doesn’t really feel like a game though does it.” Lexa nodded, unsure of what to make of this change of tone. Clarke seemed cautious, nervous. She raised her eyes to Lexa, hoping to convey something, something important, without actually having to say it…for the most part because she couldn’t find the right words in her own head, let alone express them out loud. Her gut was telling her that it was okay to want more from Lexa, to want more of Lexa, but she’d been so screwed over by Finn that she was having trouble trusting her instincts. This feeling, it was stronger than anything she’d felt before but she was already preparing for the fallout after things inevitably turned to shit.

“Not to me either,” Lexa breathed out. Clarke could see the truth in her eyes. She was starting to learn just how readable Lexa was, if you knew what to look for. Well, knew where to look, her eyes shifting with her mood, looking now like pure, deep pools of green. Open and trusting, if not a little surprised. 

Clarke tried to bring some levity back, not ready to feel this bare…in a bar, surrounded by dozens of people. “Sorry. I do love winding you up though. I’ll try not to give you more than you can handle.”

Lexa cocked her head to the side, raising an eyebrow at Clarke. “Mmm, don’t worry,” she hummed. “I feel pretty confident that I can…” she paused, glancing quickly down Clarke’s body before leaning in a bit more “…handle whatever you throw at me.”

Well that was unexpected.

Clarke was starting to figure things out. Banter, Lexa could do. Feelings, not so much. The combination gave her whiplash sometimes, but damn it was also working for her. Smooth and confident Lexa made her feel things, throbbing things. But awkward Lexa did too, just so happened that the ache was in her chest rather than a few feet lower.

Clarke coughed out air in surprise. “Jesus, Lex. Warn a girl before you go all suave and sexy on her.”

Lexa grinned at Clarke, followed by a satisfied laugh. “Sexy, eh? And Lex…are we on a nickname basis now?”

Clarke was flustered, distracted by the playful look in Lexa’s eyes and the smirk on her lips. Full, soft lips.

“Uhh, maybe? Is that okay? I guess it’s not really fair since Clar has no ring to it…” she trailed off to the sound of Lexa laughing, laughing at her in fact.

_Okay, point for Woods. So this is how awkward rambling feels. Good to know, let’s avoid it in the future thank you very much._

Clarke eyed Lexa, needing to turn the tables at least a little bit. “So is this how you feel all the time?”

Lexa just laughed harder. Clarke felt a little surge of pride at being the cause of the smile that lingered on Lexa’s lips. She looked free, light…beautiful.

Clarke felt Lexa’s hand wrap around hers, breaking her from her thoughts. Lexa squeezed gently and their eyes met again.

“I liked it. I like you feeling comfortable around me. I don’t even really mind you teasing me. Call me Lex, call me whatever you want, so long as we can keep doing…this.” Lexa’s voice went up in pitch on the last word, almost like it was a question.

“Right…this,” Clarke said, smiling back at her. She was amused again, seeing Lexa talk herself into a corner, but it did hit home this time. She also didn’t know exactly what was going on between them. She had hopes, definitely had desires, for where it could go, but everything between them was still either unspoken or easily written off as just playful fun.

Clarke decided she didn’t want to dance around this anymore. She needed to know where Lexa’s head was at, where her heart was at…or at least where the other woman might want it to go. There had been moments where she was certain that there was at least an attraction between them. She could work with that, but she also wanted to know if there might be something deeper. Clarke felt like the connection was more than physical, and while the thought of pursuing that side of things was definitely exciting - exciting enough that she’d had to give herself a few sessions of ‘Clarke time’ in the past few days - Clarke knew she’d be disappointed if it ended there.

Time to be an adult, have a mature conversation. Right now. No, right after a drink.

But she could at least test the waters a little bit. Lexa’s hand was still around hers, and Clarke intertwined their fingers, a little bit embarrassed by how fast her heart rate shot up when the corners of Lexa’s mouth ticked up into a tiny smile.

“C’mon, let’s make sure those two haven’t broken any laws yet,” Clarke said nodding her heads towards where Anya and Raven were seated.

++++

Lexa and Clarke sat down next to Raven and Anya, who were both looking at them with amusement.

“So, you guys figured out how to use words…in sentences…that are coherent. Impressive,” Raven teased before going on. “Really, nice work. In the time it took you all to figure out how to say hi to each other, cheekbones and I already figured out that we’re both into power play, more bondage than actual pain, strap ons, topping from the bottom…”

Clarke’s fingers went into her ears, as she started chanting “TMI! TMI! TMI!” in Raven’s face. Meanwhile Lexa choked on her whiskey, interrupting Raven abruptly with her coughing. 

Raven started laughing hysterically, bent over in her chair. She held her hand up for a high five from Anya, who rolled her eyes dramatically, but indulged her.

Raven smirked at Anya, “Told ya I could break one of them. I think it’s fair to say I got ‘em both. Next round’s on you. I’m due for a refill anyway, so I’m putting it on your tab,” Raven said as she stood up and walked over to the bar.

Anya leaned over towards Clarke. Something in her eyes was unnerving, like she had a secret to tell.

“Oh Clarke, I wish your friend could have heard that disaster over there. That really would’ve been even more fun. Right, Clarke? Or should I say ‘Clar’?” Anya pulled back, laughing as she sat back.

Clarke put her hand up to her face, covering her eyes and hoping to hide the blush that she could feel burning in her cheeks. She peeked a glance at Lexa through her fingers.

“Can you make her leave?”

Lexa smiled, looking between the two of them. “No way. This is a rare moment, and I’m going to sit back and enjoy it. I’m just glad she’s making fun of someone else for once. Besides, this is Anya’s only way of expressing feelings.”

Anya scoffed, “Pshh, feelings. Yeah, yeah, you’re alright, blondie.” She paused, waiting for a moment until Raven was back at the table, winking at her before continuing, ”Keep bringing your hot friend around and you might actually grow on me.”

Raven smirked back at Anya, setting shots down on the table. She sat down, and raised her glass. “Here’s to hot friends,” she said, eyes fixated on Anya.

“Well that’s my cue to go…somewhere, anywhere else.” Clarke said she downed her shot and stood up. She held her hand out to Lexa who gladly took it, allowing herself to be pulled up and led outside.

As they stepped out, the cool breeze sent a shiver down Clarke’s spine. Lexa quickly shrugged off her jacket, wrapping it around Clarke’s shoulders.

“Lex, you’ll be cold.”

Lexa chuckled, “Well, not really. I mean, I’m always cold so it doesn’t really matter to me anyway. You on the other hand, you looked like you were miserable. That pout’s cute, but I’d rather make you smile.”

“When did you get so smooth?” Clarke asked as she bumped her shoulder into Lexa’s.

Clarke tugged the jacket tighter around her, hoping Lexa didn’t catch the deep inhale she took when she pulled the collar up around her face (Lexa did, she definitely did).

“So, I know I was joking before, but I really would love the company if you want to walk me home. If it’s not too out of the way or you don’t have somewhere to be or…” Clarke trailed off, catching herself before she derailed completely.

“I’d love to,” Lexa replied as she smiled back, propping her arm out on her hip, offering it to Clarke. Clarke giggled, it was such an anachronistic gesture, but she kind of loved it. She slid her hand through, linking their arms together, before starting off towards her apartment.

Conversation on the short walk was light and easy. It was a rare winter night without rain, and there really was no need to ruin things by getting heavy, especially with conversation flowing so smoothly between them. They were just happy to be in each other’s company, Lexa listening to the little stories and details of Clarke's week.

As they turned the corner to Clarke’s building, Lexa watched as the laughter left Clarke’s face and her gaze went steely. She glanced around, noticing the solitary figure propped against the door to Clarke’s building, slightly askew and slumped over, telegraphing that he was drunk from 20 feet away. He looked up, meeting eyes with Clarke, and Lexa saw her jaw flex tensely.

“Lexa, give me a moment please while I take care of this,” she gritted out.  

Finn. Fucking Finn. Why now? Why tonight when she was just maybe starting to feel like her feet were under her again?

When she reached him, the anger was rolling off of her. Blue eyes icy as she spoke. “Why are you here?”

“Cllllarrrke. I missed you. I miss you, sooooo much. It was only ever you, I only loved you. You have to know, Raven was the past. You’re my future.”

Clarke glared at him, vibrating with rage now. “No, Finn. You’re my past and you’re Raven’s past. You are nothing to either of us now and never will be anything to us ever again. You need to leave.”

“Why? Cause you got some girl you’re gonna try and fill my place with? Gooooood luck. You know she’ll never give you what I can.”

“Don’t you dare say one more fucking word about her.” Clarke had months of pent up anger boiling over, and she wanted him to know it. “Oh, and I really hope nothing about what she gives me is anything like you, cause I’m pretty sure that when you slink back to wherever you came from, we're going to go upstairs and I'm actually going to cum when she fucks me.”

Finn’s face fell. Okay, Clarke had to admit, that was a dagger straight to his little ego, but he was basically stalking her now and he had no god damn right to even look at Lexa. And Clarke did not do half measures, not when she was this angry and not when he so, so deeply deserved to have Clarke’s words cut through him a thousand times over. She watched as his frown turned into a snarl, feeling herself get pushed back against the wall before she could move out of the way. His forearm was across her neck, holding her in place. His face was close and the liquor on his breath was making her nauseous. “You’re mine and you’ll only ev---“

Before she really even became fully aware of the precarious position she was in, he was off of her. It happened so fast, she wasn’t even sure how Lexa had gotten in between them so quickly. One hand rested gently at Clarke’s hip, not putting any pressure there, not holding her, just present, giving Clarke something to physically ground herself. Clarke reached down, sliding her hand up Lexa’s forearm and wrapping her hand around her there, squeezing down as if she really was holding on.

Clarke’s eyes traced up her arm to Lexa’s face, finding her eyes, and feeling instantly comforted by the tenderness she found there. Lexa was looking at her wide-eyed, a question apparent in her gaze. Clarke nodded, letting Lexa know she was okay. They both then turned towards the squirming mess in Lexa’s other hand. Clarke watched as Lexa’s face turned to absolute stone. Her fingers were wrapped around Finn’s throat, just under his jaw, not squeezing, just holding him in place against the wall. Clarke looked down, startled to see she was holding Finn a few inches off the ground as he kicked helplessly, choking out short pleas and threats. No sign of exertion except the flexing of Lexa’s forearm, visible above the rolled up sleeve of her dress shirt. Lexa tilted her head, eying him. Finn’s eyes were wild, fear and anger oozing out of him.

When she spoke, Lexa’s voice was low, but smooth and controlled, terrifyingly absent of emotions.

“When I put you down, you’re going to run. Do you understand me? You’re going to run and you’re not going to look back.  In fact, you are never going to lay eyes on Clarke or Raven again. If I hear that you so much as whispered one of their names, all alone in your sad little room in your sad little life, you will wish that I snapped your neck tonight. I will find you and I will make you hurt. You will invent new religions trying to find a god to pray to that can end your pain. And then you will break, everyone breaks, and you will pray to me to end your miserable life. This is your one and only chance to take a different path. Do you understand me, boy?”

Finn nodded, as much as possible in his position, a garbled, “Uh huh” coming out of his mouth. Lexa pulled her hand back, letting Finn fall to his feet before stumbling slightly as he sprinted out into the night.

Lexa returned her gaze back to Clarke who was staring at her with mouth agape, eyes glossy with tears just on the precipice of falling.

“Well that guy seems like an asshole,” Lexa said with an uncertain face. She knew it was a little bit of a gamble to try to make light of what had just happened, but she really wanted to put Clarke back at ease. She scanned Clarke’s face for any sign of a reaction, exhaling when she saw a tiny upward curve of her lips.

Lexa cleared her throat. "But still, I’m sorry if that was…too much. I know you asked me to wait while you handled things, but, he put his hands on you, and I guess I kind of lost it. Not that I think you’re someone who needs saving and maybe I shouldn’t have stepped in, but…he did seem like a real asshole.” Clarke was still just staring at Lexa, heart beating wildly.

“Clarke, did I – did I scare you?” Lexa looked down as she started pulling her hand back from Clarke’s hip.

Clarke looked at Lexa, at her downcast posture. She considered the question. Yeah, she had been scared for a moment, and adrenaline was definitely pumping through her body, she could tell by the rapid pulse pounding along her skin. But she had never been scared of Lexa. Startled, maybe, but never scared. Though she really did believe every word Lexa had said to Finn. There was no doubt that Lexa knew violence, knew it intimately, could act on instincts that Clarke had never needed, and yet, in the heat of the moment, her first priority had been Clarke. So no, she wasn’t scared of Lexa.

Clarke reached out, brushing a stray hair away from Lexa’s face, causing her to flinch and pull her head further from Clarke. But Clarke wouldn’t allow her to shrink back, she gently traced her fingers down Lexa’s cheek to her jaw, using the faintest pressure to tilt Lexa’s face back up. She waited until Lexa looked her in the eyes.

“That was perfect. You were perfect. You don’t scare me.” Half lie. Clarke was terrified of Lexa, but not like that. No, she was terrified of what Lexa made her feel, how intensely she made her feel.

“Clarke, your heart’s still racing. Are you sure you're okay?”

Oh God. Her pulse was racing. Even faster now, they were standing so close together. Clarke didn’t trust herself to speak. She simply nodded, moving her thumb to softly stroke along Lexa’s jaw.

Clarke knew everything was all wrong now. Finn had ruined her chance to actually have that talk with Lexa tonight, and she really, really, really wanted to kiss her but she didn’t want it to be tainted by the memory of Finn or to have Lexa think it was some kind of drama-induced confusion again. So Clarke dropped her hand, taking a step back.

Lexa cleared her throat again, bringing her hand up to rub at the back of her neck. “Uhhmm, so I should probably, uhh, let you go…”

“No!” Clarke interjected quickly.

_Well that sure sounded desperate._

Clarke saw something that might be hope or anticipation in Lexa’s eyes, encouraging her to go on.

“If you don’t have to go right away. I’m sorry, I –” Clarke groaned in frustration, taking a breath before continuing. “No, this is Finn’s fault and I’m not going to feel guilty about it. I just, I’d really love it if you could keep me company for a little while. My heart’s still racing, and I don’t want to go upstairs and just dwell on this. Can you stay for a little while?”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” Lexa replied as she held her hand out. “Lead the way.”

++++

Clarke unlocked the door to her apartment, glad that she had recently picked up some of the laundry she’d had on the couch and at least put her dishes in the sink.

“So, this is home.” She watched as Lexa took in the apartment. Clarke busied herself with opening a bottle of wine as Lexa walked to each of the paintings in the room, nodding or humming at each one she saw.

“These are…wow. Similar style, but you can see a real progression in the tone, kind of moves from light to dark. Same artist, right?”

Clarke tilted her head at Lexa, nodding. She’d never really had anyone analyze her work like that, finding anything deeper to say than ‘This is pretty’ or ‘I like the color’.

“Who are they? How did you find this collection?”

“Uhhhh, in the makeshift studio I turned the spare bedroom into.”

Lexa turned fully to face Clarke, surprise evident on her face.

“You never said anything about…but these are good, like really good.”

“Thanks, I guess?!? But you don’t have to act that surprised,” Clarke replied playfully.

Lexa chuckled, “Okay, fair enough, but I guess, well, I guess we really don’t know that much about each other do we?”

Clarke grinned back. “Ahh, but that’s the fun part. I know I have a lot more to figure out about you.” She placed the wine glasses on the coffee table and flopped back onto the couch. Clarke looked back at Lexa, lids starting to droop over clear blue eyes. She yawned before going on, “But right now, can we just be for a minute and do something normal so I can stop thinking about what a douchebag my ex is? Let’s be banal for the night. Have you watched Big Little Lies?”

Lexa laughed again, walking towards the couch and settling into the corner opposite Clarke. “No, I haven’t, but Lincoln said he loved it, so I’m in.”

“Huh, that’s a little unexpected.”

Lexa smiled. “Well, not so much if you know him. He’s a teddy bear, really.”

Clarke giggled thinking about it, then stopped quickly, mind fixating on one small, minor, maybe embarrassing issue she needed to address before she started the show.

“Uhh, so I assume you heard what I said to Finn.”

Lexa cheeks colored and she nodded.

“Sooo, you know I was trying to hurt him, which I realize isn’t the most mature decision, but he does deserve it, especially that comment. But whatever, that’s not the point right now. I just mean, like, it’s okay if we just hang out right now, right?”

Lexa’s eyes went wide, before the words started spilling rapidly from her mouth. “What? Clarke, yes, of course, always. I didn’t think…I didn’t come up because…”

Clarke nudged Lexa’s thigh with her toe, giving her a big smile. “You’re doing it again. But thank you…for being here.”

Clarke turned back to the tv, starting the show before settling back down into the couch, tilting her body sideways. She stretched out, looking at Lexa with pleading eyes as she nudged both feet into her legs. Lexa sighed dramatically, grabbing Clarke’s feet and pulling them onto her lap, absentmindedly running her thumb over Clarke’s calf. Clarke hummed at the contact, trying to focus on the tv as she felt sleep slowly settle over her.

++++

_Clarke knocked softly on the door, waiting until she heard “Enter” from the other side. Lexa was wearing a sharp, charcoal grey suit, pacing slowly and replying tersely to whoever was on the other side of the blue tooth. Clarke held up the new contracts, and Lexa motioned towards the desk. As Clarke placed them down, she could feel Lexa come up behind her, leaning forward to get a look at the papers she had just brought in. Clarke gasped as she felt the whisper of a breath along her neck and the faintest brush of Lexa against her back. She couldn’t control the urge to push back, to feel more of her along her body. She didn’t want to control it. So she let go, let her body think for her. She pushed her hips back, feeling Lexa freeze as they connected, Clarke’s ass fitting in just right, pressed tight against Lexa._

_She was already well over the line of professionalism, no point in maintaining decorum now. She rolled her hips back, letting out a soft moan when she felt Lexa push back into her this time. Lexa’s whole body was against her now, she could feel the push of Lexa’s breasts against her back. Lexa reached down, entwining her hands in both of Clarke’s, and placing them on the desk. Clarke felt a hand move to her hip, steadying her, holding her, unghh, fuck, no, directing her. God, Clarke was so hot, so desperate already. She could feel her desire pooling slick and wet between her legs. Lexa squeezed her hip, guiding her back again as her other hand trailed up her body, scraping through her shirt, raking up her side, teasing at the side of her breast before tracing along her collar bone._

_“Fuck, Lex,” Clarke breathed out._

_Lexa moved her hand to her mouth, putting one finger over her lips. Message clear, Clarke quietly whined out but nodded. She could stay quiet…well, she was pretty sure she could stay quiet._

_Lexa started to move her hand back down Clarke’s body, dragging her finger tips past Clarke’s throat, pausing to grip Clarke’s breast, roughly squeezing her nipple, drawing a jerk from Clarke’s body and gasp from her lips. All the while, Lexa kept their hips slowly rolling together, a motion that was driving Clarke crazy, yet frustratingly far from any actual relief for the building tension in her body. So much tension, she felt like a guitar string, about to snap under the lightest touch. Lexa toyed with the hem of her skirt, finger tips teasing her thigh as she slowly pulled the fabric up. She was getting close, so close to where Clarke needed her._

_Lexa spoke sharply into her earpiece, something about bonds or perpetuities, hand freezing in its climb. Clarke whined again, pushing back into Lexa, trying to coax her into moving again. She was pleased to hear a strain in Lexa’s voice, happy to know that she had at least broken through some of that stony façade. She felt Lexa squeeze her thigh and lean forward, anticipation building in Clarke. Then she felt a sharp bite on her ear, just a warning really, a quick jolt of pain sending shivers down her spine. Clarke could feel herself trying to find friction, thighs squeezing, clenching around nothing. She needed to get Lexa to break, to lose control and finally just fuck her. She reached down, grabbing Lexa’s hand and pulling it up towards her lips, sucking two fingers into her mouth, swirling her tongue. She felt Lexa’s grip on her hip tighten, the slow grinding falter for a moment. Yes, she had her now. Clarke guided Lexa’s hand back down, finally about to get relief…………………._

++++

Clarke woke up to the sound of her alarm. She was in her room, in her bed...in her clothes. Sweaty, damp clothes. How had she gotten here? Ohhh, right, last night. What a shit show. As if Finn hadn't already done enough, now Lexa had gotten an up close look at drama. Like whatever was going on between them wasn't already complicated or confusing enough. Clarke had become that girl, the one with crazy ex drama. 

But Lexa had been nice enough to come in, to listen to her, and to...hazy memories started filtering through Clarke's mind. She remembers being on the couch, her eyes drifting closed, a grumpy mumble when she felt someone softly shaking her, and then strong arms picking her up, the soft skin of Lexa's neck as Clarke had sleepily nuzzled into her, and finally being gently placed down in bed. Then Lexa saying "goodnight, Clarke" and kissing her softly on the temple. Lips so soft, just ghosting over her skin. Or was that a dream too? Clarke reached up, touching the spot on her head, as if she would be able to feel some physical evidence of a kiss there. But then again, if it was a dream, things probably wouldn't have ended so PG-13 as Clarke was starting to learn, feeling the flush and sweat still on her skin from just moments ago. Or if Finn hadn't shown up...

Fuck it. Fuck him. She rubbed her eyes, determined to start the day fresh and not let Finn steal any more time from her. She'd text Lexa later, give her an easy out if she wanted to bail on dinner tonight. She hoped they were still okay, that her baggage hadn't subtly tipped the scales against her, but she wouldn't hold Lexa to their date...err, dinner?!?

She groggily padded out of her room, still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, freezing when she saw deep pools of green gazing back at her. Clarke inhaled sharply, holding her breath. Lexa froze as well, trying to gauge Clarke's reaction and feeling deeply uncertain now about her decision to stay. 

"Y-you stayed." Clarke managed to whisper out, voice still gravelly with sleep. 

Lexa just swallowed and nodded. Clarke was obviously surprised, but she couldn't read whether she was upset or happy that Lexa was still there.  

"I thought...I'm sorry if this isn't..." Lexa tried to explain.

Lexa stopped when she saw Clarke shuffling towards her. The clothes she was still wearing from last night were wrinkled and disheveled, her hair was flat on one side and sticking out on the other, traces of mascara still dotted her eyelids, but Lexa was entranced, could not move or speak as Clarke walked towards her. She simply watched, savoring the gift that was seeing Clarke in such an unguarded, intimate moment...even if it was maybe the precursor to her getting yelled at or thrown out. 

Clarke was now standing just in front of Lexa. She didn't know exactly what to say. She could see uncertainty in Lexa's eyes and couldn't figure out why or how to change it, especially now that this moment was only being made more tense by the stretching silence. So Clarke did what felt right. She opened her arms and leaned in, wrapping around Lexa in a tight embrace. "Thank you" she whispered. 

Clarke felt Lexa relax as soon as they touched, felt her let out a breath and slump forward into her. A beat later, she felt Lexa's hands on her back holding her just as close. 

They stayed there, neither woman wanting to pull back, but knowing this spell would have to be broken soon. Clarke moved first, regretting that she did have to get to work at some point. As she stepped back she let her hands slide down Lexa's arms, letting her left hand fall while entwining the fingers of her right hand with Lexa's. 

"I didn't know if he'd be stupid enough to come back and you were upset. I wanted to make sure you'd be okay. I just wanted to be close...in case you needed me." 

Clarke stared into Lexa's eyes, trying to reassure herself that she wasn't misreading everything, that maybe trusting her instincts would be okay this time. Lexa's face was blank, as always, but her eyes were becoming so much more readable to Clarke. They were looking at her softly, seemingly surprised or maybe overwhelmed with the last few minutes. And then she saw it, unmistakable, Lexa glancing down at her lips, lingering for a moment before reconnecting their eyes. Clarke could see a hint of pink on Lexa's cheeks now. So she took the plunge. Clarke tugged at their entwined hands gently, pulling Lexa closer as she tilted her head and started leaning in, slowly, still watching for any sign that Lexa didn't want this just as desperately as she did. 

Lexa was beautiful, so god damn beautiful, looking like a work of art as the soft glow of the sunrise filtered into the room. And just as Clarke got close, could feel Lexa's breath on her, she felt Lexa jerk back, collapsing down onto the couch, and burrowing into it.  

_How...how did I get that so wrong? Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck._

Lexa groaned, causing Clarke to cringe, shrinking into herself, head hanging low. 

"Clarke" she heard Lexa groan out.  

Silence. Clarke didn't know what to do, how to fix this. 

She heard Lexa mumble something again, but couldn't make it out. Still trying to respect her space, she leaned forward ever so slightly, catching only a few words. "The window, just cover the window." 

Oh god. Lexa wasn't repulsed by her. _Good news_. She was in pain. _Bad news_. Clarke looked around wildly, there were four windows in this room, it would be too hard to cover everything up. She ran into her bedroom, shutting the blinds on the one window there and throwing a blanket over the blinds to be sure. She rushed out to get Lexa, grabbing her hand and pulling her up, while putting a steadying arm around her waist as she walked them the few steps into the bedroom. 

Lexa’s body loosened as soon as she closed the door, almost all of the light now blocked out. Clarke lay Lexa down in her bed, pulling the covers up around her. "I'll cover the doorway when I leave, okay? It should be almost completely dark in here. I'm sorry, so sorry, this is all my fault. You wouldn't even be here if I hadn't of -"

Clarke was interrupted by Lexa reaching out and squeezing her hand. 

"Thank you. This is perfect. I'm okay. Can I just sleep in here for a while? The little bit of light makes me tired, but don’t worry, no pain. I'll feel totally fine later." 

“Yeah, of course. Shit, I have to go to work soon. Please, just rest and be comfortable.  I’ll be back a little after 4. Text me if you need anything. Do you need anything?”

Lexa shook her head, but grabbed Clarke’s hand and put it on her head. Clarke chuckled lightly. “Okay, okay, I’ve got you.”

She pushed the hair out of Lexa’s face, running her thumb along her hairline near her temple, before carding her fingers through Lexa’s hair, gentle and soothing. She watched as fatigue washed over Lexa. Eyes shutting and face relaxing. Clarke leaned down, gently kissed her temple, and left to get ready for work. 

++++

God, it smelled like Clarke everywhere. She was completely surrounded, encased in Clarke, could almost taste the aroma on her tongue. Sweet but not cloying, fresh, crisp...intoxicating, but also so calming. Lexa fell into a deep sleep, burrowing deeper into the cocoon of sheets and covers as she slept. 

++++

Clarke unlocked the door to her apartment, unsure if Lexa was still there. She hadn't heard anything from her all day, and she was hoping that meant she had been resting peacefully. The apartment was dark and quiet. Clarke crept over to the bedroom, slowly cracking the door and peaking inside. 

Lexa was still here. Lexa was still in her bed. Clarke swallowed, just staring at her for a moment. She looked so peaceful. Decades, no centuries, of grief and responsibility and sacrifice absent from her face. And the last thing she needed was to wake up with a creeper staring at her. 

Clarke tiptoed into the room over to her dresser. She slowly opened the drawer, as quietly as possible, rooting around for something comfortable to change into. 

She heard a breathy whisper behind her. "Clarrrrke."

Clarke froze, then turned slowly. Lexa still lay there, eyes closed, but her brow was furrowed slightly now, a flush blooming across her cheeks. She jerked erratically, pulling most of the covers off of herself. 

"Clarke" Louder this time, but still raspy, cracking at the end. Like she was straining. Lexa thrashed again. 

Already frozen in place, Clarke realized she was also holding her breath, as still and quiet as possible, unsure if she should wake her or not and wracking her brain trying to remember what people say about nightmares. And then a soft moan broke the silence. Clarke's eyes went wide as she felt a warm blush spread across her own cheeks...oh god, and spread warmth lower too. This woman was going to kill her. 

From the looks of it, Lexa was feeling a little heated too, skin flushed and glistening with a light sheen of sweat.  

_Griffin! Focus! Get out!!!! Every second in here is a new level of creepiness._

Clarke reached into the drawer, pulled out her sweats and started to close the drawer as quietly as possible...until Lexa moaned again, still breathy and soft, followed by a quick, airy giggle. Clarke had never heard anything so young and carefree cross Lexa's lips. She sounded like...like an actual 28 year old. It was cute. 

"Unghhhmmmm, Clarke." Lexa moaned out. Oh God. That was not cute. No, no, no, no. That was fucking heat and need and want in one mind-bending sound. 

Clarke jerked, knees buckling, then accidentally slamming the drawer shut, not just loudly shattering the silence but also catching the thumb of her other hand in the drawer. 

"Fuck!" she yelped.

_That was...the opposite of smooth._

Clarke turned slowly, sending a prayer to someone - anyone - that Lexa would still be asleep and she could sneak out with nobody ever being the wiser. 

Lexa was sitting up, startled and looking around the room quickly. Mouth open just wide enough for Clarke to see those teeth – fangs – long and sharp, as they caught the light. Lexa made eye contact with Clarke, shutting her mouth quickly, a hand flying up to cover her mouth. Both women shifted their gazes, blushing and looking away. A moment of silence passed before each started to speak at the same time. 

"I was just -" Clarke started. 

"Did you -" Lexa began. 

They stopped, both looking down again.

Lexa cleared her threat, "Uhhmm, I'm just going to freshen up." And she was out of the room before Clarke even looked back up.

Lexa's moans echoed in her mind as she stared at the empty bed, trying to slow her breathing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So excited that some of you are enjoying this! Two steps forward, one step back with these two. Someday Clarke will get to see if reality lives up to her dreams (hint: Clarke has nooo idea).


	6. Nothing wrong with cereal for dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm, where'd we leave off...Lexa had just fled the room in embarrassment after her own untimely dream :)
> 
> Two steps forward, one step back. And Clarke asks an important question.

Clarke could hear the sink running in the bathroom. She tapped lightly on the door.

"Lexa? Uhh, I'm going to leave a towel and some clothes out here if you want to change or shower, okay?"

She stood awkwardly staring at the door for a moment. "Should - should I start dinner? Or do you have to go? I’m sure you weren’t planning to be here all day, so I totally understand if you have to leave or there’s stuff you need to do…" Clarke was trying not to sound too eager but also wanted to let Lexa know she didn’t have to stay.

Clarke heard the water turn off, then silence for a moment before the door opened.

Lexa seemed to be looking anywhere except in her eyes, gaze shifting around before finally finding the ground.

“Yeah, yeah, I should go. I’ll just, umm, grab my stuff from your room.”

Clarke grimaced. Great, instead of trying to casually let Lexa know she wasn’t obligated to stick around, she’d made her feel obligated to leave. Lexa started moving past Clarke.

_Quick, do something!_

Clarke thrust her arms out, basically jamming the towel and sweats straight into Lexa’s stomach.

“Or you could stay,” Clarke squeaked out.

_Well, that was one way to go…could’ve been better. Then again, could be worse, she could already be leaving. Count this as a win??_

Lexa slowly raised her head, uncertain green eyes meeting uncertain blue ones. Clarke gave Lexa a lopsided grin, “I’m making my not-at-all famous spaghetti. Seriously, I hope you have low expectations because this is, like, the only edible thing I make...and if you leave, it’s not even worth the trouble and I’ll end up having cereal for dinner again, so you’d kinda be saving me from that.”

“Well, I certainly can’t abandon you in your hour of need then, can I?”

Clarke cracked a smile. “My hero. I swear I am a fully functioning adult…well, adult-ish."

“Whatever you say, Clarke” Lexa shot back as she grabbed the towel and clothes from Clarke, retreating back into the bathroom. Clarke savored the pop of the ‘k’ for a moment, before heading back to the kitchen and getting her pots and pans out.

++++

Clarke was busy chopping away at some parsley when she heard the bathroom door open. She glanced up, expecting to see Lexa all finished freshening up. Instead, Lexa was tiptoeing from the bathroom to the bedroom, just a towel wrapped around her, apparently trying to make the short trip unnoticed.

_Azdhgjegighskozdwoqdgnoq. Unghhhhhhhhhhhhhhnn._

Clarke eyes widened in surprise then looked away in some kind of reflexive attempt to preserve Lexa’s modesty. But Clarke’s conscious mind was not so virtuous. She watched Lexa, let her eyes drift downwards, mouth drying at the sight of water droplets still clinging to her bare back, then the towel – just a towel! – covering the curve of her ass before stopping mid-thigh, revealing an expanse of long, toned legs. It wasn’t that Clarke could really see any more than when Lexa had been jogging, but knowing that one quick tug would be enough to leave Lexa bare, maybe bare and wanting, in front of her…it was making Clarke’s mind spin. She swallowed, trying not to imagine quenching her thirst by licking every last water drop off Lexa’s skin…

Clarke jerked back, feeling a sharp pain in her finger. Chopping and ogling – not a good combination. She looked down to see a small slice into her index finger, a few drops of blood now collecting on the cutting board. Careless, but a small price to pay for the view, really. Clarke thought she had been quiet, expecting Lexa to be gone by the time she looked up. She raised her eyes to see Lexa standing in the same place, now facing Clarke, gaze laser-focused as green eyes disappeared behind obsidian pupils. Clarke could see Lexa taking slow, deep, measured breaths. Her jaw hung open slightly, fangs clearly visible to Clarke from across the room.

Clarke gasped. Lexa looked intense…predatory in a way that she hadn't seen before. Rather than fear, which she knew was the most logical response, Clarke felt a surge of arousal. In fact, she was a little disconcerted at how readily her own body seemed to dismiss what most people would consider, at best, a precarious situation. But she did know Lexa wouldn’t hurt her…or she thought she knew, well, her body seemed to be pretty sure. Clarke felt her heart rate quicken, pulse pounding through her body and settling into a rhythmic throb between her thighs.

They held each other’s gaze. Lexa seemingly unable to look away, driven by her instincts to focus on Clarke and the small trickle of blood from her finger. Clarke simply had no desire to look anywhere else, taking in the controlled ferocity in Lexa’s eyes and tense flex of her muscles. Time seemed to stretch out between them, seconds lengthening as if to give each tiny movement the attention it deserved – the bob of Clarke’s throat as she tried to relieve the dryness in her mouth, the smooth trickle of a water droplet down Lexa’s clavicle.

Lexa’s self-control returned first. She stumbled backwards, breaking eye contact and looking down at her feet. Clarke reached out for a paper towel, wrapping it around her finger. She looked back up to see Lexa clutching tightly at the towel, her now slack posture totally transforming her back into…Clarke wasn’t sure anymore. Someone more human? The Lexa she knew?

“Do you have a first aid kit somewhere?” Lexa whispered out.

Clarke nodded, pointing to the bathroom. “Below the sink. Just need a bandaid.”

Lexa moved quickly and was back at the counter opposite Clarke in a moment, though she still kept as much distance as possible between them. She placed the bandaids down and started backing away slowly.

Clarke sighed in frustration. “Lexa, stop. Please come here and help me.” Was she playing with fire? She wasn’t sure if it was the right call, but she wanted Lexa to know that this was okay, that she wasn’t scared. In fact, it was seeing those flashes of Lexa’s primal instincts that made Clarke feel comfortable, because it meant she didn’t have to wonder about what was hidden beneath the surface. She’d seen that side takeover and watched Lexa pull herself back – even with Finn, who barely deserved it. But then Lexa could also be so tentative at times, clearly guarding herself against any potential vulnerability. The dichotomy was stark. Clarke thought about how much energy it must require for Lexa to keep up that methodical, controlled façade – to maintain the mask that she felt she needed to keep herself safe...or to keep others safe. Well, Clarke decided she wasn’t having it. She wanted to tear away the compartments in Lexa’s mind, to see who she was when she allowed herself to feel both her instincts and emotions. She wanted Lexa without constraints…wanted, really wanted…

_Ease up there tiger. This is about respecting Lexa and making sure she feels safe to be herself around you, not daydreaming about her carrying you into the bedroom and tearing your clothes off and…and focus!_

Lexa swallowed, looking up uncertainly. “Are you sure? I know – I can imagine – it’s not…some things I can’t control,” she sighed.

Clarke looked straight into her eyes, willing her voice to be steady despite the messy slew of emotions circling her mind. There was one thing she felt certain about. “Lex, I know. You told me before how…uh, those work. I don’t care whether you can control them, I care about whether you can control yourself. And you do, always with me, you’re always careful with me.”

Step by step, she would dismantle Lexa’s defenses, in little moments just like this. She wasn't even sure how this conviction had grown so deeply, maybe it was the whole owing your life to someone thing, but she needed Lexa to see what she saw - a soul worthy of love and acceptance not in spite of Lexa's complexities but because of them.

She took a bandaid out of the box and handed it to Lexa, holding out her cut finger towards her. Lexa nodded, grabbing Clarke’s hand and gently wrapping a bandaid around it. She leaned forward, pressing her lips briefly to the surface of the bandage before looking up at Clarke. “There, all better.”

“All better,” Clarke echoed back with a shaky breath.

Lexa turned and walked back into the bedroom without another word.

++++

When Lexa reemerged from the bedroom, she happily opened a bottle of wine and poured glasses for the two of them before sitting at the counter. Clarke glanced over at Lexa as she grated the parmesan. She was sipping wine, hair still wet and looking casual in Clarke’s Arkadia Hospital hoodie. Clarke giggled and Lexa tilted her head curiously.

“Sorry, it’s just, you look comfortable and all, but maybe next time we see each other, one of us won’t be in each other’s clothes.”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow at her.

Clarke paused, blushing furiously. “Come on! You know what I meant. Because we’ll be wearing our own clothes…ughhh, never mind.”

Lexa was grinning. “I’m sorry, are you a little tongue-tied?”

Clarke frowned at her, trying to hold an angry face before cracking into a laugh and rolling her eyes. “When did words get so hard? What are you doing to me?” she said with a smile.

Clarke stopped grating for a moment, focusing only on Lexa before she started talking again. Her voice was softer, “But, seriously, this – this isn’t just me right?

Lexa opened her mouth, paused, looking uncertain before biting her lower lip and slowly shaking her head back and forth.

Clarke stared at her, mesmerized. She pictured herself lunging over the counter, grabbing Lexa’s head and sucking that lip into her own mouth. Too dramatic, way too dramatic. She just nodded back, a soft ‘hmmmmm’ leaving her closed mouth.

“Clarke, I thought maybe it was clear earlier that, well, no, it’s not just you.” Lexa added.

Clarke looked back at Lexa quizzically, flashing back to the sounds she had made this afternoon. She felt herself get warmer...unfortunately everywhere, she noted as she felt the familiar spike of arousal bringing heat to her core. Lexa seemed puzzled for a moment before her eyebrows shot up.

“This morning – I meant this morning. Before the sun came up and we almost…and, yeah, that’s what I was talking about.”

Well, Lexa had all but confirmed what Clarke suspected about this afternoon. Clarke tried not to let the smirk take over her face as she decided to push Lexa a little further. It was only fair, really. And besides, talking about their almost kiss was only slightly less awkward anyway.

“Right, this morning. Of course. Soooo, did you sleep okay in my room today?”

Lexa’s turn to blush. She went from light pink to crimson, letting out a huff of air.

“I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

Clarke had expected her to try and maneuver away from the topic or at least verbally vomit her way around it. She was surprised that Lexa had just jumped right in.

“Lex, it’s not like you can control what happens in your sleep. And you know, the whole glass houses thing so…”

Lexa groaned, covering her face with both hands. “God, Clarke, no. I was talking about this morning! I meant I was sorry about this morning. Usually when I’m in sunlight I get a little tingly, like kind of a warning for a few minutes before things go full vampire-caught-in-the-sun like that…” She pulled her head up from her hands, reconnecting her gaze with Clarke before continuing, “…but I guess I was a little distracted. And I really wish you had woken up about 5 minutes earlier…or maybe 30.”

Clarke gazed back, rethinking her earlier decision not to just fling herself over the counter towards Lexa. Whatever, walking worked too. She turned to step around the small kitchen island, still keeping her eyes on Lexa. Yes, Lexa had just said she wanted that kiss as much as Clarke had, but she still felt nervous as she approached her. She saw Lexa do that thing again, maybe Clarke’s new favorite thing, where she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth. But this time, a small smile was also spreading across her face. It was a little shy and a lot of sexy. Clarke was getting closer and Lexa’s eyes gleamed with anticipation.

_Stay calm. This is not a drill. This really happening. This is really happening! THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!_

Clarke reached Lexa, who had turned in her seat to face Clarke fully. They looked at each other for a moment before Clarke reached a hand out, fingers brushing along Lexa’s hair line, settling with her palm against her jaw, thumb resting on her cheek just so. Lexa closed her eyes for a second, leaning her head into the caress, before letting her eyes flutter open. Clarke inhaled sharply. At this distance, the forest green of Lexa’s eyes was bright and shining, beckoning her closer with the flashes of warmth and want that blazed across them.

Clarke was confused as she watched Lexa’s face change, becoming more animated. She furrowed her brow trying to figure out what was happening. Lexa was talking…and Clarke had no idea what she was saying. She was so wrapped up in her own head and the goal of finally, finally getting to feel Lexa’s lips – in real life – against hers. She shook her head.

“Huh?” Clarke said.

_Once again, real way with words there, Griffin._

Lexa was trying not to smirk, but Clarke could see the telltale sign, lip just starting to curl up on one side.

“I said, you’re beeping. The timer is beeping. For your food.”

“Huh? Ohh!” Clarke wanted to slap herself. No, she wanted to slap that god damn timer and the stove and the pasta…and just everything.

She huffed out a breath. Dropping her hand and starting to turn.

“Fuck it, let’s have cereal,” Clarke breathed out as she pivoted back towards Lexa, both hands reaching out to frame her face. Lexa’s eyes widened with surprise before she connected green to blue, swallowing before nodding her head slightly. Clarke surged forward, determined not to allow any more delays. She needed to feel Lexa’s lips on hers, to trace the contours with her tongue, to feel the breath leave her mouth when she moaned. Yeah, she really needed to make Lexa moan again.   

And then…Clarke’s mind went blank. Lexa’s lips were soft, and cool, and pushing back with just the right amount of pressure, and soft, and soft, and soft. Clarke slid her hands back to Lexa’s neck, gently tilting her head, lips still connected. Lexa willingly obliged, a hum leaving her body as she parted her lips, inviting Clarke to deepen the kiss. Clarke scratched lightly at the nape of Lexa’s neck as she sucked Lexa’s lower lip into her mouth, scraping her teeth over it as she let it slide back out. Lexa hummed again, throatier, almost a moan. Clarke needed more. She leaned back in, mouth opening as she reconnected with Lexa’s lips.

No more thinking or second-guessing or saying something stupid to ruin the moment. Clarke let her instincts take over. Her tongue darted forward, licking into Lexa’s mouth. She shuddered as their tongues met, Lexa’s cool and slick, slowly dancing around hers. Heat raced through her, pooling in her abdomen, sliding lower. The only relief was Lexa, more Lexa. She gasped as she felt arms wrap around her waist, pulling her closer, fitting her in snugly between Lexa’s legs. Lexa took advantage of Clarke’s pause to tilt her head again, noses knocking together as they repositioned, but wasting no time in reconnecting her lips to the blond’s.

Clarke felt Lexa press into her fully, wrapping her legs around Clarke’s calves and sliding one hand to rest under her shirt on the small of her back, splaying her fingers across the skin. Skin that had never been so sensitive, the slightest movement of Lexa’s fingertips sending crackles of energy along her nerves driving Clarke further into a daze. Clarke heard a moan catch between their connected lips, giving herself a mental high five before realizing she had been the source of the noise…but feeling Lexa’s arms flex around her at the sound was certainly a fine consolation prize.

She felt Lexa starting to pull back and chased after her, stealing one more kiss before they separated. Clarke sucked in air, making up for the past few minutes when breathing had fallen low on her list of priorities. Lexa’s smile was soft, but here eyes told a different story. Clarke nearly lost her breath again at the hunger and want reflected back at her.

“That was…” Lexa breathed out.

“I know,” Clarke whispered back.

Lexa looked up at Clarke, green eyes growing calmer – just as intense, but less desperate. Clarke swallowed, her tongue swept out, subtly wetting her lower lip…she hadn’t even realized she’d done it. Lexa stood abruptly, knocking the kitchen stool back with a crash, neither woman hearing the clatter as Lexa pulled Clarke back towards her. Clarke tipped her head up, as they crashed back together, both women just slightly out of control. One of Lexa’s hands wound its way into blond hair, massaging into Clarke’s scalp and gripping her firmly. Clarke heard that moan again, right, her own moan, and again felt a twinge of betrayal that these sounds were being pulled out of her, totally beyond her control. Clarke shuddered as she felt the cool touch of Lexa’s tongue brush along her lip, and she was incapable of stopping the instantaneous parting of her own mouth to draw Lexa in. It felt like Lexa was everywhere, her hands securing Clarke while sending goose bumps along her skin, chests pressed together, while her tongue darted through Clarke’s mouth, setting a pace and a pattern that Clarke gladly followed. She let Lexa wash over her, sending heat and chills through her body, pushing all of her senses into overdrive. Heart racing, desire pulsed down from her mouth straight to her core as Lexa’s tongue overwhelmed her. Oh my god, the things she was doing with her tongue, the things she might be able to do with her tongue….Clarke’s knees buckled as she felt herself clench around nothing but her own slick desire, surprised to feel how much wetness just a kiss alone was drawing out of her. Before losing her balance or having time to process this annoying lapse in control over her own body, Clarke found herself seated on the counter, Lexa standing between her legs, hands wrapped strongly around her waist where she had steadied Clarke and lifted her up.

Lexa broke their lips apart, laying her forehead against Clarke’s, neither woman speaking as their shallow breaths evened out.

"Clarke, your heart is racing.”

“Hmmm, you think?” Clarke replied dreamily, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of Lexa’s neck, tugging lightly to elicit a gasp from Lexa.

Lexa chuckled, “Okay, fair point.”

“How do you do that anyway?” Clarke sighed back.

“Well, Clarke, when two people like each other, sometimes they like to kiss, and when they kiss…do you need me to go on?”

“Smartass. So these two people, they do like each other then. But no, I mean that thing where it feels like you’re in my head sometimes. You said you didn’t have any special mind tricks or whatever, but sometimes you say things that makes me wonder.”

Lexa looked down sheepishly. “Well, what I said is that we don’t have any mind control or mind reading powers, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a few tricks up my sleeve. See, when I’m standing close to you,” Lexa said as she stepped closer between Clarke’s legs, “if I pay attention, I can use all of my senses to get an idea of how your body is responding and that gives me an idea about what you’re thinking. Kind of liking finding someone’s tell in poker, but much more…intimate. I can hear your heartbeat, your breath. See your pupils dilate and contract, responding to how agitated or excited you are. Feel whether your skin is warm and flushed, if you’re clammy or starting to perspire. Smell certain moods, like aggression has a sharpness under the scent of sweat.” Lexa closed her eyes and let out a soft hum, before continuing “While arousal is just this explosion of earth and heat and spice.”

Clarke swallowed in a desperate, mostly successful attempt not to actually moan at Lexa's words and the blissed out look on her face. A flush rose from her neck to the tips of her ears as Clarke tried to squeeze her legs together, to somehow prevent the new surge of arousal she could feel dampening underwear. 

Lexa inhaled sharply, grip tightening on Clarke's hips. "Fuck, yeah, that," she husked before opening her eyes and taking a half step back. Lexa moved her hands down Clarke's hips to rest on her thighs, squeezing lightly. 

The flush hadn't left Clarke's face. Cheeks pink, she opened her mouth to speak, pausing for several moments, mouth ajar, before beginning. “Okay, okay, I think I get it. That makes sense, but I need a minute for it to sink in and to not think it's a little creepy. Kind of wish, uhhh, some things weren’t practically written on my forehead like a billboard for you to read.” Clarke paused, thinking about the implications, smiling before going on. “But I guess you can’t have everything figured out since you said all your senses but you only mentioned four.”

Lexa grinned, keeper her smile from breaking across her face by clamping down on her lower lip. She leaned in, moving her mouth to Clarke’s ear, letting her breath ghost across her before she answered.

“Clarke, do you really want me to tell you what I can learn about you with my tongue?”

“Yes! No?!?” Clarke replied quickly, an octave too high to pretend she was anywhere close to under control. “Fuck, Lex, are you trying to kill me?”

Lexa pulled back with a satisfied smirk. Clarke tried to hold a playful glare, but, damn, she was loving that flash of mischief in Lexa’s eyes. This playfulness seemed like something rare, something Lexa didn’t often get to indulge in. And if it brought out Lexa’s boldness, then she was sure as hell going to savor it.

“We don’t have to talk at all,” Clarke said with a smirk of her own, hands sliding down Lexa’s back to pull her forward by her hips.

Lexa chuckled, “Clarke, I think your stomach is talking enough for the both of us.”

Clarke tilted her head at Lexa, confusion etched on her face.

Lexa just pointedly looked down at Clarke’s abdomen, eyebrows raising as if whatever she meant was obvious.

Clarke’s hands shot to her stomach, laughing as she heard the growling coming from her belly. She reached out, tracing Lexa’s collarbone with her fingertips from her shoulder to the center of her chest before playfully pushing her back and jumping down off the counter.

“Come on, at least one of has to eat tonight,” Clarke explained as she dumped the ruined pasta and refilled the pot to cook a second batch.

++++

Lexa wiped her mouth off with a napkin, looking down at her empty plate.

“Clarke, that was actually really good. And it only took two tries to get it right.”

Clarke looked over with a smirk, “I didn’t hear you complaining earlier.”

Lexa laughed, “Fair enough. I’d be happy to ruin your spaghetti anytime.”

“Lex, I can’t tell if that’s the worst pickup line I’ve ever heard or a euphemism for something I really don’t even want to imagine.”

“Eww! What? I don’t even know…Clarke, no, never mind. I just liked the…uh, appetizer?!?” Lexa said, with an awkward uptick in octave on the last word, something she had to begrudgingly admit was developing into an unwelcome habit.  

Clarke raised an eyebrow, giving Lexa a skeptical look. “Relax, just riling you up. But maybe food metaphors aren’t your strong suit? And don’t try to redeem yourself now by saying something about dessert.” Clarke teased before replaying her words in her head and freezing, a grimace on her face.

Lexa could tell that something had shifted, but waited for Clarke to sort through whatever had rapidly changed her mood.

After several painfully silent moments, Clarke exhaled and looked into Lexa’s eyes. She started, voice quiet and uncertain, “Fuck, I really wish we’d had this conversation earlier…well, before I learned what I might be missing. But I have to know, before things get any more complicated. Lexa, you have, umm, needs, right? That require you to do certain things that I -  that I need to know a little bit more about. You don’t have to tell me anything specific, but, I need you to tell me if people get hurt.” Clarke sighed before continuing, “…I need to know if you hurt people. I take care of the people in Polis, it’s my job, but it’s more than that too. They’re my people, my responsibility. And I can’t be like this with you – I can’t be with you – if you’re a threat to that. To us. I know how safe I feel around you, but…I guess it occurred to me that joking about dessert doesn’t seem as funny if I don’t know what that means to you…or who it might mean to me.”

Lexa blinked back at Clarke, silent, unmoving and unreadable.


	7. “Fuck. Let’s drink.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well this update took wayyyy longer than intended, especially with the way things ended in the last chapter. Been feeling a little bad about leaving you all hanging like that! 
> 
> So where were we...dinner, finally a kiss, and then Clarke asked Lexa if she has to kill people to survive. Basic first date stuff :)
> 
> And now we learn a little bit more about where Lexa's coming from. Plus Raven's back!

To most people, Lexa’s face would look calm, controlled…maybe even serene. But Clarke had already spent too much time studying that face, thinking about that face - an embarrassing amount of time really. Clarke could see the masseter muscles flexing, holding Lexa’s jaw tightly clamped shut. The turbulence in those green eyes was unmistakable.

Clarke watched as Lexa's jaw clenched several times, the question hanging darkly between them.

When Lexa spoke, her voice was cool and measured.

"Clarke, you're right. We have much to discuss. There are things that have happened, events in my past, that have made me who I am. It has not always been a virtuous road – I have not always been virtuous - and I won't hide that from you. I bear the burden of the choices I've made and the people, both mine and yours, who are no longer here because I had to make those decisions. Decisions that I would never ask anyone else to make. But that’s given me the power to enforce a level of stability and peace that never existed before, and for that reason, I can't regret it. I do wish that in some other place, some other time, some other version of this story…we could just be. This could just be normal. I could just be normal."

Clarke’s mind was reeling. She narrowed her eyes, appraising this version of Lexa, the one she'd only seen in flashes before now. It wasn't that she was being cold, so much as just gone. Something was absent behind her eyes.  The endearing combination of tentative excitement, uncertainty and warmth was nowhere to be found. No, this was someone different, but Clarke knew that she needed to find out who this Lexa was too.

Clarke let out a heavy sigh, unaware that she'd been holding her breath. She noticed a tiny quiver in Lexa's lower lip as she opened her mouth to speak again, the only sign of emotion cracking through her facade.

"Clarke, please just let me get through the whole story before you make any judgments."

Clarke scanned Lexa before responding, noting her stiff spine and the upward tilt of her head.

"No." Clarke said flatly.

Lexa eyes snapped to Clarke's. 

"What?" Lexa replied, a mixture of surprise and anger flashing through her eyes.

"I said no. Listen, I didn't ask for a speech and I definitely don't want to pry something out of you that you don’t want to tell me. And this," Clarke waved her hand at Lexa, "...you, you're obviously not comfortable. So, stop being all statue Lexa and just answer the one question I asked you."

Lexa tilted her head.

"Statue Lexa? What are you talking about? I'm trying to do the right thing and give you all the information you need...for..."

Clarke rolled her eyes, letting out another sigh, exasperation starting to seep into her tone. "Lexa, I don't need all that right now. Just have a normal conversation with me…well as normal as it can be given that we’re talking about, uhh, drinking blood. God, that sounds fucked up when I say it out loud. But shouldn’t this at least be kind of more normal for you? So talk to me. Please, don't be formal with me, like you were at your house with your friends..." Clarke's trailed off before starting again, voice softer now, "...or like when said I needed time to think.”

Lexa's eyes were wide and Clarke was relieved to see at least some reaction on her face. "Clarke, they're not my friends, they're my subjects. This is what I'm trying to tell you, my life is complicated. My past is complicated. It's all complicated. It's only fair if I tell you what that means."

Clarke's frustration boiled over. "Lexa! None of that matters if you kill people. Just get it over with and tell me!" she stammered out, louder than she had intended.

Clarke watched as guilt washed over Lexa's face, her own face falling as Lexa's grimace seemed to answer the question for her. Lexa's posture went hard again, head upright, eyes looking above and past Clarke.

Lexa’s voice was cold again when she responded. "No, not now. Not since...it's been centuries. But I did, I used to. Your question isn’t simple Clarke. I know, and you should know, that that desire will always live inside me. So no, I don’t kill people now, but that doesn’t make me a good person either.”

“Maybe I think that valuing human life despite that urge inside you is exactly what makes you good,” Clarke whispered out.

Lexa sighed with frustration. She felt like Clarke was seeing something in her that she didn’t deserve. It drove guilt deep into her soul – guilt for bringing Clarke into any of this, guilt for wanting something for herself, guilt for having these kinds of feelings for anyone again. She marveled that she was feeling anything at all, was regretting how hard it was making this actually. Something had sparked in her the moment she’d laid eyes on Clarke. But she knew it was selfish to keep pretending that there could ever be more between them. It was almost ironic how similar yet opposite they were. Both fierce and relentless in their drive to improve the world around them, but while Clarke was all fire, boldness and passion, Lexa was ruthless, cold and calculating. Lexa wanted Clarke to stay that optimistic, bright beacon of hope and resilience…so she needed to let her go.

Lexa fixed an icy stare at Clarke before continuing. “Clarke, you don’t know our ways. Blood must have blood. Yes, we’ve found other ways to survive, but I still think about it everyday, how it feels to drain the life out of someone. Is that what you need to hear to understand? That I crave it, that every time I go hunting in these woods for deer a part of me goes unsatisfied, that I can hear your pulse pounding through your jugular, that my teeth itch to tas - "

"Stop! I get it. Now you’re just being an asshole!" Clarke interrupted, jumping up from her seat and starting to pace back and forth.  

Lexa stood and reached out for Clarke’s arm, gently stopping her and turning her so that they were face to face.  "No, I'm being a realist. You need to know who – what – I am.”

Lexa bared her teeth at Clarke, holding Clarke’s gaze as she let her fangs snap down. Lexa’s eyes glistened. She blinked several times before pushing on.

“Look at me. I’m a predator. Everything in my life is dark and cynical and violent. You – you’re the opposite of that. And I can’t, I shouldn’t, drag you into this. Clarke, you know we are not the same. We exist in different worlds and - ”  Lexa’s voice broke as she spoke, “- and maybe that’s how it should stay. You know this was…foolish.”

Seconds ticked by as they stared at each other in tense silence.

“Don’t presume to tell me how I feel or what I should see when I look at you,” Clarke murmured out, stern gaze fixed on Lexa.

The smallest hint of a smile crossed Lexa’s face. “God, you’re infuriating,” she let out with a huff.

“Oh, I know,” Clarke replied, frown softening as she spoke. “You’re really not used to people telling you no, are you?”

Lexa let out a groan. “Clarke, I don’t…I really don’t know how to do this. Or be like this. I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t mean for this to happen, but I think it’s best if I just go now.”

“Go if _you_ want to, but don’t go because you think it’s best for me. This whole thing is so very, very far from any dating…” Clarke stopped, uncertainty in her eyes as she watched to see if her choice of words had made Lexa even more skittish. She was relieved to see a shy smile on her face “…uhhh, so this situation is a lot and I just don’t have the energy to play games here. You have to trust that I can make my own decisions about what’s best for me.”

“Clarke, I’m not playing games either. I’m just - ” Lexa sighed, trying to find the right words. “I don’t want you to get hurt and I haven’t had to…I haven’t let myself think about feelings in a long time.”

“Lex, you don’t think about feelings. You feel feelings. It’s literally in the name.”  

Lexa rolled her eyes playfully. “Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke.”

Clarke flashed a grin at Lexa. Lexa didn’t know how she had gone from being Heda to almost walking out the door to being Lexa, feeling like Lexa, in the span of just a few moments, but she was certain that Clarke’s smile was a big part of it. She wanted to be worthy of that smile, to earn a glimpse of it again.  

Lexa looked down sheepishly, realizing just how close she was to blowing this whole thing. “Clarke, maybe I’d like to try. You make me want to try. Because I have a hard time not feeling things when I’m with you. I don’t want to not feel things with you.”

Lexa looked down, voice dropping to a mumble as the words kept coming, “This is coming out all wrong and I’m not even sure what to say or how to explain…I don’t know how to want things for myself. Errmm, that came out wrong again. No, no it didn’t. I do want you. Oh god, this is a disaster. Anya was actually right, I’m a disaster…or a gay disaster, whatever she calls me.”

Lexa stopped abruptly, embarrassed to realize that she was in fact still talking out loud. She groaned and looked back up at Clarke sheepishly. Encouraged by the amused but warm smile Clarke was giving her, she tried to pull her thoughts back together and finish strong.

“I’ve just been spending so long surviving and I don’t really know what it means to live anymore…or whatever you want to call this.”

Lexa’s haunted green eyes spoke of regret and heartache, but there was also a tenderness that Clarke was captivated by.

Clarke reached out and grabbed Lexa’s hand. “Maybe, ahh, un-life, should be about more than just surviving?”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow up Clarke.

“It’s unlife or unliving, obviously,” Clarke replied to the question in Lexa’s eyes. “I mean, you’re undead so it should be unliving. Wait, is that offensive? I guess define your life or unlife however you want?!?”

“We prefer the term ‘life adjacent’,” Lexa deadpanned.

Clarke’s cheeks went pink and Lexa could tell that she was working her way up to a blustering apology. She gave it another moment before she jumped in to stop her, “I’m joking. You know I’m joking, right? Like, there aren’t even enough of you who know about us for anyone to start worrying about labels.”

“Asshole!” Clarke burst out as she swatted at Lexa’s shoulder.

“Geez, called asshole twice in the same night. I’m really doing something wrong,” Lexa chuckled.

“Yeah, well, you kind of deserved it both times. I hope you’re planning to make it up to me,” Clarke said as she raised an eyebrow. Lexa swallowed, meeting Clarke’s eyes with a surprised look on her face.

Clarke went red. She put her hands over her face. “I meant, like, be nice...ugh, never mind. Best behavior or I’ll rescind the invitation to my home and make you leave,” Clarke joked.

Lexa grinned. “Oh Clarke, that’s cute,” she said with a playfully patronizing tone.

Clarke’s jaw dropped. “What? That’s not a thing either? Damn it! How am I ever supposed to get any leverage over you?”

Lexa smiled. “Don’t worry, you have plenty of leverage without any of those fairy tale tricks.”

Clarke blushed, struck by how genuine and open Lexa sounded. She stared into Lexa’s eyes, a green abyss she wasn't sure she was ready to fall into, but also not sure she could stop herself either. They studied each other, both still unsure of their footing after their heavy conversation. Clarke wanted to try too. She smiled, reaching out and grabbing Lexa’s hand, simply intertwining their fingers, hoping the gesture conveyed enough for now.  

Lexa’s gaze danced between Clarke’s eyes and her lips. “Yeah, that’s the leverage I’m talking about,” Lexa said as she pushed a lock of Clarke’s blond hair behind her ear. “Why don’t I clean up and then we can talk some more if you want. I’ll try to answer your questions or let you know if – if it’s too much right now. There’s just one thing I need first.”

Clarke grinned, biting down on her lower lip and nodding slowly.

Lexa stepped closer, a gleam in her eye. “Just please, don’t tell Anya I said she was right…about anything, ever.”

Clarke laughed, “Don’t worry, I don’t think Anya and I are going to be gal pals anytime soon.” Clarke had to focus on finding her words. Lexa’s proximity was making things all hazy.

Lexa chuckled and stepped back, walking towards the sink as Clarke’s shaky breaths returned to normal.

Lexa looked back at Clarke over her shoulder.  "You know, I could get these done really quickly if it doesn't weird you out." 

"Please, don't let me stop you from using your superpowers to speed up household chores."

Clarke watched Lexa turn back to the sink before things started getting a little blurry...Clarke was trying - and failing - to track Lexa's movements, arms flying through the sink and over to the counter to grab the next dish.

It was ridiculous actually and Clarke couldn't stop herself from letting out a light laugh. Of all the ways she might have imagined Lexa wowing her with some kind of special powers, this was definitely not it.

Lexa looked back with one eyebrow raised. "Too much?" she asked as she stepped away from the now sparkling dishes.

Clarke appreciated the domesticity of it, even if uncertainty still loomed over them. There was still a lot about Lexa that she didn’t know and she wanted to at least try not to let her intense, blinding, aching attraction cloud her judgment. God, she was having better orgasms just thinking about her than she’d ever had in real life with Finn.

_Stop, stop, stop…not helping to see things clearly!_

Clarke shook her head. It was undeniable and inescapable. She knew Lexa would continue to torment her in her dreams. And of course now she'd wake up tomorrow or the next morning, all hot and bothered with some new, weird speed fetish. Subconscious be damned, Clarke resolved to consider above-the-waist feelings only for the time being. But…but...but…

Lexa stood in front of Clarke drying off her hands. An adorable few soap bubbles had found their way onto her cheek.

“You have something…” Clarke trailed off as she grabbed the towel and reached up to wipe the soap away. She let her hand linger, gently caressing Lexa’s cheekbone.

The eye contact between them was heavy, laden with uncertainty, both women trying to figure out what the earlier conversation had meant for them.

“So, I should just trust my feelings, right?” Lexa whispered out.

Clarke nodded slowly. Kept nodding as Lexa stepped closer. Didn’t realize she was still nodding until Lexa gently reached out and stilled her by running her slender fingers along Clarke’s jaw, resting them just below Clarke’s chin.

“All that moving around is making it hard for me to honor my feelings, Clarke,” she said with a smile before closing the distance between them, placing a soft, slow kiss on Clarke’s lips. It was gentle and tender…and Clarke was melting. Her arms wrapped around Lexa’s neck, to bring them closer together but also just to give her something to hold on to, to hold her up as her bones slowly turned to jelly.

Clarke ignored it the first time her phone buzzed in her pocket, ignored it the second time, was trying to ignore it the third time when Lexa pulled back and looked at her. Clarke sighed, fishing in her pocket to find out who was being so persistent at such an inopportune time. Raven, of course.

**RaeBae** : What

**RaeBae:**  the

**RaeBae** : Fuck!

**RaeBae** : We need to talk. I’m coming over.

Clarke’s eyes widened and she looked back up at Lexa. “Shit, something’s up. Raven’s does have a flair for the dramatic, but this is odd. It’s midnight already. Do you think…is there any chance this has to do with Anya?”

Lexa shook her head. “I doubt it, but I guess you never know. She’s careful, more guarded than me. And she would never say anything about…you know, us, without getting approval first.”

“You didn’t get approval first.”

“Clarke, I am the approval.”

“Oh,” Clarke let out softly. “Yeah, maybe I do need to know a little bit more about…your stuff. But later. You have to go before she gets here. It'll only complicate things.”

Lexa nodded, walking to get her jacket when they heard a knock at the door.

“What the fuck? She must’ve been around the corner,” Clarke hissed out with panic on her face.

Lexa pulled Clarke into a quick hug and kissed her forehead. “Don’t worry, I got this,” she said with a wink as she walked towards the window. Lexa opened the window and looked down. Clarke was on the fifth floor, she knew it was a quite a drop. Before she had time to say anything, Lexa was crawling out.

“Wait!” Clarke yelped out. She ran over to the window, where Lexa was hanging halfway out with a smirk. Clarke leaned over and kissed her, just a peck but still taking her own breath away with the way Lexa’s lips fit just perfectly against hers.

“Trust me?” Lexa said.

Clarke nodded and then Lexa was gone. Clarke’s hand shout to her mouth as she watched Lexa fall to the ground, but her look of terror quickly changed to awe as she saw Lexa gracefully land with a roll and pop back up right away. She blew Clarke a kiss and jogged off into the night.

Clarke was jarred out of her disbelief by the pounding on her door. She shut the window, trying to calm herself down and look normal as she walked over to let Raven in.

++++

The second Clarke turned the lock in the door, Raven was pushing her way through. Clarke noted two things – Raven was angry and Raven had brought whiskey. Clarke’s mind was racing. Had Anya let the big secret slip somehow? How could Lexa possibly be certain of Anya’s absolute discretion? Did Lexa really have that much power? Clarke realized her mind was wandering when she heard the slam of the bottle on the counter and noted that Raven had already started making herself at home.

“Clarke, how could you not tell me?” Raven burst out.

Clarke stared at Raven with disbelief. Were they really about to have this conversation? She was relieved that she might finally be able to talk to someone else about this incredibly complex world they were both stepping into…maybe stepping into. Clarke was unsure how to begin. But Raven was definitely still angry and had no problems finding her words.

“You know what? Fine, don’t tell me what made you think it was okay to hide something like this from me. It’s not always about you, Clarke! My life is involved too.”

Clarke let the guilt wash over. Raven was right. Clarke had no reason to trust Anya except for her association with Lexa. And Clarke couldn’t even really explain or justify why that was enough for her, why she just inherently trusted Lexa, like it was inevitable and inescapable. But that was a shitty excuse to give Raven, because whatever her heart or her head - or other parts of her body - were telling her, these were not guarantees and Clarke had left Raven with Anya, fully aware that Anya was a predator. Predator. Clarke hated how Lexa’s words were sinking into her head.

“Raven, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept this from you, not once you became involved in this, uhhh, situation.”

Raven’s face changed to one of confusion as she eyed Clarke.

“I’ve always been in this situation. Since before you. You’re the sidechick. I know you know that.”

_Ouch. And what?!?_

Now Clarke was lost and on her way to both offended and angry. “What are you talking about? Rae, I don’t know what you think is going on or what she told you, but Anya is not…” Clarke trailed off as she saw Raven get even more frustrated.

“Clarke, what are _you_ talking about? Anya has nothing to do with this except that your stupid, apparently freakishly strong girlfriend threatened Finn. He showed up at my place yesterday, just left me a few things and told me not to try to ever find him again. That’s your fault. And you didn’t even tell me!” Raven yelled out.

_Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Not about their incredibly attractive, cold-blooded new friends._

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Clarke mumbled out. Raven shot back an annoyed look, clearly communicating her current I-don’t actually-fucking-care attitude.

“Rae, he came here. He was drunk. He put his hands on me.”

Clarke’s voice cracked on the end. She’d been so overwhelmed with Lexa and all of the shit that had happened that she hadn’t really stopped to reflect on it until now. Finn, the guy she thought she loved for a while, the guy she trusted, had come to her home and physically threatened her. She hadn’t even had time to be scared in the moment and who knows what would’ve happened if Lexa hadn’t stepped in. The fact that he had the audacity to think that was acceptable finally caught up to Clarke. Despite how mad she was to be crying over that fucking boy one more time, she couldn’t stop the tears.

Raven’s jaw dropped. She could see that Clarke was telling the truth and her heart broke too. For herself, for the fact that her childhood friend and the person she had thought was her soulmate was now probably gone from her life forever. Even worse, that person maybe had never been who she thought he was after all. Finn had been sweet and kind as a child, becoming a doting and attentive boyfriend, especially after Raven’s accident in high school. Car accident, drunk driver…with the sick twist of fate that her mother had been the driver while Raven had been skateboarding by their house. But then Raven had recovered, through years of rehab and hard work, exceeding all expectations for her initial prognosis. That’s when Finn had started growing more distant, and apparently when he started dating Clarke.

Maybe he just wanted to collect people to save. Maybe he didn’t have the confidence to be with someone who didn’t depend on him. Raven had never seen him become violent before, but the picture of him was becoming clear – he was weak and he needed others around him to be small to make himself feel strong. Her heart broke for him too. She and Clarke had been hurt, but Finn, he was broken altogether.

“Fuck. Let’s drink.” Raven sighed as she grabbed two glasses and headed to the couch.

And drink they did, curled up on the couch watching trashy tv, just like they used to. And just like they used to, Clarke waited for Raven to be ready to talk. After too much whiskey and too much Real Housewives, the words started pouring out. Raven’s voice was soft, resigned to the sadness but not defeated by it.

“I know it’s crazy, but I think – I think there was a part of me that thought Finn would always be around, that maybe someday, somehow we would find a way back to each other. Maybe not like before, but at least friends. I thought someday we might be friends again,” she sighed, holding the tears at bay. “He’s been the only constant in my life, my only family really.”

Clarke took Raven’s hand and pulled her head into her lap, stroking her hair. There were few moments when Raven would allow herself to accept this kind of comfort, but Clarke seized them when she could.

“I’m here for you Rae, and I always will be. For all the things he did wrong and all the ways he fucked us over, at least he brought us together.” And it was true. Even though they hadn’t known each other that long, the intensity of that time had created a bond that both women knew would last a lifetime.

Another drink and another episode later, Raven was back to her brash self. She sat up, eyeing Clarke with a playful look.

“Sooooo, you gonna tell me about this ‘not-girlfriend’ of yours?”

Clarke laughed, the warmth of the whiskey making her light and loose. But she also knew she was way too tipsy to have this conversation now, her thinking too fuzzy to keep the details straight – _ha –_ and keep the necessary parts of the story vague.

“You gonna tell me about this,” Clarke asked as she reached out and pulled Raven’s collar to the side revealing the entirety of a massive hickey that had been peeking out from under her shirt.

Raven laughed, showing absolutely no shame. “Oh, I know you don’t want me to actually tell you about it. But since you asked, Anya does this thing where-”

Raven was promptly cut off by Clarke’s hand flying to cover her mouth.

“Oh my god, you’re right. I don’t want to know. I think it’s bed time for both of us.”

“Ok, I’ll spare you the details, but I will say this. Damnnnn! Also, as you can see, she’s obviously really into mauling my neck, so I’m going to feel like a teenager when I have to put on concealer for work tomorrow, but whatever, worth it. If your girl is anything like Anya, you better lock that shit down…if that’s what you want. Or just get some. You’re all frustrated, I can tell. It’s one of my gifts,” Raven teased.

Raven had no idea.  

Clarke reached for her phone once Raven had made her way to the bathroom. She knew she shouldn’t…really, really knew she shouldn’t, but she needed to lock that shit down, right?

**Clarke:** U up?

_Ugh, nice frat boy opening line._

It was 2:30 in the morning. Then again, Lexa was up all night, right? Clarke really needed to stop getting distracted around Lexa and actually find something out about her life.

**Lexa:** Kind of the middle of the day for me, you know. Just doing some paperwork. But why are you still up? Everything ok with Raven?

**Clarke:** Paperwork? That sounds so…banal. Who are you Lexa Woods ;)

**Lexa:** Ha, well, companies don’t run themselves. If it makes you feel better, I’m about to go spar with Anya and Lincoln.

Company? Clarke filed that question away for another day.

**Clarke:** Thanks, you’ve redeemed yourself. And given me something nice to think about before I pass out.

_Oops, too honest. Definitely drunk. Definitely should stop this now._

**Lexa:** Pass out, huh? So Raven’s visit ended in drinks? Good drinking or bad drinking?

**Clarke:** Good drinking. Thanks.

**Lexa:** I feel like I should let you go before you drunk text something you’ll regret ;) Good night Clarke.

**Clarke:** Such a gentlewoman. Good night Lexa.

Clarke stumbled back to her room, unsurprised to see Raven sprawled out across her bed already sleeping deeply. Clarke quickly changed and pushed Raven to one side before crawling under the covers. Just as she was drifting off, her phone buzzed again. She reached out, reading the text before unlocking her screen to see the attached photo.

**Lexa:** Just so you know, no reflection, also not a thing.

It was a selfie. Just Lexa looking into a mirror. It looked she was in a gym of some kind. Open room, some weights in the background. But that’s not what made Clarke’s mouth go dry. Lexa. Lexa was fucking perfect. She had that infuriatingly sexy smirk on her face, pointing the camera at the mirror, hands in light boxing wraps. Clarke scanned down from her face, to her bare shoulders, fixating on what looked like the top of a tight tank top. Oh god, or maybe a sports bra. Clarke needed to know, needed to see more! She had never realized it was possible to hate the inanimate edge of a photo, but here she was, deeply frustrated that she couldn’t keep ogling her way down Lexa’s body. Yep, way too drunk. And way too horny.

**Clarke:** Right, you sent that so I would look at the mirror.

**Lexa:** Are you complaining?

**Clarke** : Only that you’re not here…and that Raven’s passed out and snoring next to me.

_Well that was forward._

**Lexa** : Sleep tight. Sweet dreams.

Clarke blushed. Of course Lexa was teasing her. She didn’t even have it in her to be embarrassed anymore. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but maybe it was also time to just stop fighting it and stop hiding. Lexa was incredible. And Clarke wanted her.

++++

Clarke’s sleep was fitful, the alcohol keeping her from really resting while dreams of Lexa flashed through her mind keeping her body tingling through the night. The dreams were more vivid now, her mind no longer having to fill in as many blanks. She remembered the way Lexa tasted, how their lips fit together, the sound of Lexa breathing in her ear.

Clarke was in that gym, from the photo. Lexa was wearing a sports bra (Clarke had decided it was definitely a sports bra), the hand wraps, tight running pants. Maybe she’d been working out, she was glistening. And Clarke could look as long as she wanted, anywhere she wanted, no infuriating photo cropping to stop her. She was scanning up and down, reaching out and touching her, feeling Lexa’s muscles flex under her fingers. And, damn, how they flexed…flexed as Clarke ran her hands over Lexa’s abs, flexed as Lexa lifted her and wrapped Clarke’s legs around her, flexed as Lexa laid her down and effortlessly held herself over Clarke. A light sheen of sweat accentuated Lexa’s taut, smooth body as she moved Clarke’s arms over her head, holding them gently but securely with one hand while she let the other roam. Clarke moaned when Lexa finally connected their lips, unable to control the jerk of her hips when Lexa’s tongue entered her mouth.  

++++

Clarke woke up with a groan and then a chuckle. So, her subconscious had decided to get all hot and bothered with Lexa’s strength, not her speed. Fine. She'd still have to deal with it either way, all that tension coiled inside her body…after she got a passed out Raven out of her bed. Though with all of the moaning in that dream, she had never been so thankful that Raven was a heavy sleeper. This would have supplied her with months, maybe years of jokes.

Clarke shifted, rolling from her back to her side, feeling the dampness of her underwear press against her unpleasantly. She was uncomfortably turned on, just stuck here next to her snoring friend. Clarke suppressed a second groan, then settled on a more productive option. She slowly swung her legs over the edge of the bed, trying not to wake Raven and ruin her escape. After grabbing a change of clothes, Clarke tiptoed out of the room, heading to the shower and turning on the water. As she stripped out of her clothes, she let her fingers linger over her skin, running her hands along her breasts as she pulled her shirt off, grazing her fingers across her thighs as she took off her pajama bottoms and underwear.

She stepped into the steaming shower. Skin already sensitive, she relished the feeling of water pouring over her. She was usually pretty pragmatic when it came to these kinds of things, just getting down to business, getting off, and getting on with things. But the night of fragmented dreams had left her desperate, and Clarke was actually starting to appreciate these little nocturnal diversions. She was definitely enjoying the 'reward' she had to give herself after waking up each morning. She palmed her breast with one hand, squeezing roughly, trying to remember how Lexa’s hands had felt in the dream. Clarke closed her eyes, letting her other hand slide across her hip towards her center. She let out a soft moan when she let her fingers dip between her legs. She was already so sensitive, so needy. She kept her touch soft, letting the anticipation build. Slow circles. A gasp when she felt how wet she had become. Then firmer pressure as she dragged the slickness back up. As she pushed herself closer, her touch grew frantic, irregular.

One knock. Just one knock and Raven was bursting into the bathroom.

Clarke flailed her arms away from herself grabbing at the shampoo in an attempt to actually be doing something shower-y, shaky legs barely keeping her up at this point. Not that Raven could see her through the shower curtain, but her cheeks burned at the near miss. Fuck, she was aching now.  

"Rae! What the fuck?!?"

"Calm your tits, Griffin. Didn't you hear me? I said I had to piss like a racehorse and told you I was coming in? It's not like we've never done this before. What's got your panties in a twist today?"

She heard Raven sigh with relief as she started peeing. Well, that brought Clarke out of her Lexa daydreams. And Raven did have a point. They'd basically lived together those first few weeks after the Finn debacle and seen each other in all manners of dishevelment and disgrace, so this really wasn't anything new...well, except for Clarke's now raging libido which, let's be honest, had never really been so insistent before.

Clarke sighed, opened the shampoo, and committed herself to actually washing up as Raven incoherently mumbled at her while brushing her teeth.

++++

Clarke emerged from the bathroom, still tightly wound but clean at least. The whiskey had left her a little off-kilter this morning. The shower had helped, but she actually moaned at the smell of coffee filling her apartment.

“Calm down there, Griff. We’re both too hungover for that, and unlike you, I’m actually getting my needs met, thank you very much,” Raven joked as she grabbed a cup and walked it over to Clarke. Raven looked...rough. And that was being kind. Sunglasses covered her eyes and her signature ponytail was off the to the side, hair flying out everywhere.

Raven stopped in front of Clarke and pulled her sunglasses off to look directly at Clarke. She cleared her throat and started shifting her weight from side to side. “I’m sorry I called you a sidechick. Finn’s a dick and we’re both too good for him anyway. I was upset last night, but I should’ve found out what happened before I took my anger out on you,” Raven mumbled out.

Clarke gasped dramatically, throwing a hand over her chest. “Well I never thought I’d see the day. Is the genius Raven Reyes apologizing for making a mistake? Can you say that again while I record it? I need to document this for future generations.”

“Fuck you.” Raven groaned as she shoved the mug of coffee at Clarke.

Clarke laughed loudly, happily accepting the coffee and apology.

Raven groaned again, covering her ears and pulling the sunglasses back down. “Too loud, too loud,” she mumbled as she walked over and collapsed on the couch.

Yeah, Clarke had a bit of a headache and she was still a little sexually frustrated after Raven’s interruption of both her date and her shower time, but she felt happy. Wait, yikes, was that a date last night? Technically she did ask Lexa to have dinner with her and there was wine and a kiss…that kiss. Clarke shivered at the memory of it. All facts pointed to last night being a date. Then again, it seemed like both of them had been on the verge of tears at various points, so maybe it was a terrible date.   

**Clarke:** Good morning…or good night I guess?!? Maybe you’re sleeping, but I wanted to ask you out. On a real date. I refuse to recognize last night as our first date.

**Lexa:** There are a few things about last night that I already have very fond memories of, but I’ll allow a 2nd first date.

**Lexa:** Is tonight too soon?

**Clarke** : I was hoping you’d be free. I’ll pick you up at 8.

Clarke smiled and headed into the kitchen. Pancakes were definitely the hangover cure she and Raven needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading, commenting, kudosing, especially if you stuck with it after this little hiatus. Unexpectedly got a little busy in my real life, but this story kept percolating in the back of my mind, so here we are. Hope you liked the chapter!


	8. Oops?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whooo boy. I'm not even going to apologize for the break. Let's call it a sabbatical. Who forget everything that's happened in this story? Who thought this was left to wither uncompleted forever? (slowly raises my own hand) 
> 
> So, let's recap: Lexa gave Clarke her blood after Clarke almost died in a car crash, then Clarke accused her of some kind of mind control because she kept on having sex dreams about Lexa (that were really just sex dreams, completely free from influence), they continued to be flirty and awkward around each other, Finn sucks, Anya & Raven made fun of our pair and hooked up, and Lexa & Clarke shared a few kisses but Lexa is a bit - a lot - guarded about letting people in. And we left off with Raven staying over at Clarke's and interrupting her "me time" in the shower. I think that's all the important stuff?
> 
> Anyway, I feel like we've been seeing some of the dichotomy between in-control, calculating Lexa and can't-handle-feelings Lexa (especially if a pretty girl is involved). This chapter is more about exploring the two sides of Clarke.

Pancakes, a few ibuprofen and two glasses of Gatorade later, both Clarke and Raven were feeling more human again. Clarke sighed, content to just relax for a little while and let whatever was on tv wash over her. Of course, Raven had other plans.

“Soooooo, Lexa, huh?”

Clarke let out a grumpy huff, hoping to shut down whatever prodding and prying Raven had in mind. See, it was a fine balance. Clarke didn’t really know what to say about Lexa yet, but if she deflected too much, then Raven would take it as an invitation – no, a challenge – and dig in for answers. Clarke tried to nonchalantly refocus on the tv. Raven eyed her, jaw working back and forth, silently appraising Clarke’s reaction. It was unnerving. Clarke felt a sudden kinship to the wounded animals in the dessert that can only watch as vultures circle closer and closer. She cracked.

“Okay, okay. We’re going out tonight. I asked her out tonight.”

Raven laughed. “Griff, you make this way too easy. I didn’t even get to my advanced interrogation tactics. It’s no fun if you’re biologically incapable of keeping secrets.”

Clarke tried to keep her lip from creeping up into a smirk at that last comment. Now she really was bursting to spill it all, not just so she could have a coconspirator in this whole thing, but mostly so she could gloat about how well she’d hid it…then again, telling Raven kind of undermined her whole moment of glory about being a great secret keeper. No, she’d wait. It would make the gloating all the sweeter later. Clarke’s rational mind also reminded her that there were other way more important reasons why blurting out that Raven had just spent the night apparently getting mauled by a vampire was a terrible idea.

As she usually did, Raven took the silence as her cue to elaborate on her self-proclaimed genius.

“See, what I love is finding your weak spot and then just going right for it. Like maybe, I need to sing the alphabet song offkey over and over or maybe it’s tickling or maybe ear flicking. That’s where the fun comes in. But you, you just fold when it’s quiet, get all squirmy with awkward silences and then you can’t stop yourself from blurting out whatever’s on your mind. It’s your need to make everyone feel comfortable that’s your weakness, which, like I said, just isn’t enough of a challenge for me.”

Calrke frowned. “Well, that’s actually kinda accurate and deep, but mostly creepy.”

“Ehhhh, I’ll take that as a compliment,” Raven laughed out.

Raven had an annoyingly cocky smirk on her face. Clarke mused how different it looked from a certain someone else’s cocky smirk. No, that was a sexy, cocky smirk. One that started with lips that begged to be kissed…and sucked…and bitten. Clarke shifted in her seat, keenly aware of the needs she had so rudely been unable to satisfy this morning, thanks to one Raven Reyes…who was now snapping her fingers in front of Clarke’s face with a glint in her eye.

Clarke steeled herself. She hadn’t even realized that her own lips had quirked up into a little grin during her daydream. She refocused on Raven and tried to act casual, like she wasn’t getting turned on just thinking about a girl she had kissed for the first time just the night before…even if her subconscious had been throwing tantalizing fantasies at her all week. Was that kiss just last night? And she had already asked Lexa out again. So much for playing it cool. Clarke tried to replay every moment from the evening, looking for signs that she was misreading something, that Lexa wasn’t just as eager to…and there we are, back at turned on. No, it was more than that. There was something more than a physical attraction, right?

Raven cleared her throat and laid her hand gently on Clarke’s knee.

“So, this isn’t really my style, but I just saw about a dozen emotions cross your face, and most of them seemed like some version of panic. Are you good? Is this just about getting into a certain hot brunette’s pants or is there feelings stuff?”

Clarke raised her eyes to Raven with relief, gratitude, and just a touch of annoyance before nodding her head.

“Okay, feelings stuff. Also not really my style. Look, from what I’ve seen and what Anya said, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. She seems really into you, if that’s what you want.”

Clarke nodded again. Yeah, she did want that, right? Lexa was confusing, definitely a whole grab bag of red flags and mixed messages, but also achingly tender at times. She made Clarke feel special.

“Yeah, that is what I want...” Clarke nodded before furrowing her brows in concentration “…I think.”

Raven laughed. “Oh, my sweet Clarke. I have never seen you do anything half-assed or half-hearted. You moved here barely 3 months ago and you already have half of Polis doing your bidding like you’re the goddamn mayor. Just, trust your gut and be you. And if that’s not what she wants, she’s an idiot and a loser…even if she does have a smoking hot sex goddess best friend. Now start the next episode of Bob’s Burgers. I’ve exhausted my empathy for the month.”

“Well, thanks for that actually kind of sweet pep talk that also grossed me out at the same time. And I promise not to tell anyone ever about the sweet part.”

Raven bumped her shoulder into Clarke with a grin, pulling a blanket over both of them before sinking back into the couch. Clarke pressed play and relaxed, trying to keep her mind from falling down too many ‘what if’ rabbit holes.

++++

Clarke arrived at 8 pm on the dot. After spending a few more hours with Raven in the morning and then napping, she had woken up in a panic over what to do on this date, followed by panic about what to wear. This had all naturally led to a call to Raven and Octavia for advice finally leading to a series of decisions that Clarke was now aggressively second guessing. She was stressed, but it also felt kind of nice, just to know that she could have butterflies around someone again. Yeah, she was definitely looking forward to seeing Lexa again.

Clarke’s smile faltered when the door was opened by Anya, nonchalantly eying her in a way that was somehow both predatory and dismissive.

“Oh. You.” Anya drawled out, looking her up and down. “Flowers? For me? You shouldn’t have,” she added, voice thick with sarcasm.

Though Anya was generally terrifying, Clarke was learning not to let it show. She stared right back.

“Actually, I’m glad you’re here. We have something to discuss. See, Raven is my best friend in this town. Don’t fuck with her. If you hurt her, I will hurt you. And I know you’re all, ‘oh, I’m so tough and mean’, but I will find a way. Even if I have to drag you into the midday sun just so I can kick your ass.”

Anya threw her hands up, a small smile pulling at her lips.

“Jesus, calm down. Low blow threatening with the UV rays. I’ll give you a B+ on the ‘shovel talk’. I hate that you’re growing on me. But for the record, nothing happened or would ever happen that Raven wasn’t happy to participate in. We’re both adults and I can assure you that if I ever did hurt her, well, it would definitely be her choice.”

Clarke scrunched her nose up. “Ughhh, stop. No, I don’t want to know. And you know that’s not what I mean.”

Anya face softened, almost imperceptibly, like it was happening against her own will. “Anyway, the answer to what you’re really asking is no. I don’t have some nefarious plan to kidnap your friend and make her my sex slave,” Anya paused, a flash of mischief crossing her face. “I mean, again, unless she asked me too and then…”

Clarke groaned.

“You both disgust me, so at least you have that in common,” she huffed as she brushed Anya out of the way and walked into the house.

But there was one thing still bothering her.

Clarke turned back to Anya and cleared her throat, shifting awkwardly on her feet.

“Uhh, one question though. How did you hide the…” Clarke waved her hand in front of her mouth.

Anya laughed before flashing Clarke a gleaming smile, razor sharp fangs on display. “Oh these? Let’s just say I can be very distracting when I want to be. See, things are usually pretty heated when these pop out, so that’s when I move my –“

“Wait, no, stop,” Clarke burst in. “I really don’t want to know. I feel like I walked into that, but I’m really sorry I asked now. I’m just going to put my fingers in my ears and walk away now.”

Clarke could hear the muffled sound of Anya laughing as she continued down the hall.

++++

When Clarke reached the office she could hear Lexa talking on the other side of the door. She raised her hand to knock but hesitated, not wanting to interrupt. But of course Lexa had heard her approach and opened the door to find a frozen Clarke, standing awkwardly with one arm raised and flowers hidden behind her back with the other. Lexa’s head tilted as she gave Clarke a puzzled look and pointed to the headset she was wearing.

Clarke watched as Lexa’s mouth started moving silently. She was staring actually, just focusing on those lips. By the time she realized Lexa was trying to tell her something, it was way too late to catch up. She was also definitely regretting the flowers now, the sweat from her hands making the paper wrapping start to disintegrate beneath her nervous fingers. So she got rid of them, shoving the small bouquet of dark purple, nearly-black irises at Lexa’s chest.

Lexa continued to look puzzled by Clarke, but now had a huge smile on her face too. She motioned for Clark to take a seat as she resumed pacing around the room, gently placing the flowers on the corner of her desk as she strode by. Clarke watched as she moved, all taught muscles and precise movements. She was wearing a well-tailored charcoal grey suit with a crisp white shirt underneath, top buttons undone just enough to spark Clarke’s imagination but still effortlessly professional.

_Looking like a goddamn snack. A snack? Fuck, I’ve been spending too much time with Raven._

Clarke’s silent debate about whether it was ethical to objectify Lexa came to an abrupt halt when she heard Lexa respond to whoever had been yammering on the other end of the phone.

Lexa was speaking in…Japanese? Clarke thanked someone up above that she was both sitting down already and that Lexa seemed distracted enough to not notice the full on swoon she was experiencing. Hearing Lexa’s voice wrap around the unfamiliar syllables was doing things to her. Distracting things. Throw-out-the-rest-of-the-plans-for-the-evening things.

With a soft sigh, Lexa threw the headset on the desk. She was still as regal as ever, but Clarke caught a flash of weariness as Lexa let out a deep breath, shoulders drooping for a moment. By the time she turned back around, Lexa seemed to be fully back in control, only a small frown remaining.

“Clarke, I apologize. I did not intend to keep you waiting. I appreciate your patience.”

Clarke was caught off guard. It wasn’t that Lexa seemed a little stiff and back to her more formal tone. No, it was that everything in Lexa still seemed so precisely regulated despite the fact that she was clearly frustrated. That small frown, barely noticeable to Clarke – someone who had spent a not insignificant amount of time studying and thinking about those lips – was the only expression of emotion at all. Clarke felt an ache of disappointment squeeze in her chest as she looked into stoic green eyes.

Clarke mentally rolled her eyes, not at Lexa, but at herself. Who was she to change a hundred years of self-preservation overnight? A stranger. A stranger with insane sexual chemistry but a stranger nonetheless. Of course that didn’t mean she wouldn’t channel Raven’s earlier pep talk and do her damnedest to try (so maybe Raven rubbing off on her wasn’t all bad).

She walked over to a decanter of brown liquid on the other side of the room and poured two drinks. She took a sip…whiskey, of course. She put a little more effort into the sway of her hips as she sauntered back to Lexa, then pushed her back into her desk chair and handed her the drink.

“You may have lived for decades, but I survived residency. I’m pretty sure that makes me an expert on coping with a bad day. I’m going to share my super secret, time-tested, fail-proof Griffin stress management lessons. Here are your options: Drink. Get your favorite food, preferably in disgusting quantities. Or sweat it out. You know, hard work out or…” Clarke grimaced, she hadn’t fully thought this part through but these really were the things that got her through med school. “Well, or the other way to get your heart rate up, ” Clarke finished with a blush rising on her cheeks.

Lexa’s expression remained frozen but for a small crinkle at the corner of her eyes. She downed the drink.

“First of all, I have centuries of experience not decades. Now, I appear to be done with my drink. As for food, well, let’s just say that’s not usually what satisfies my cravings. And I did already work out today,” Lexa finished, cocking one eyebrow up at Clarke, an easy smile replacing her earlier frown.

Clarke was at a loss for words. That was pretty smooth, and Lexa had mode a compelling argument. Or maybe she hadn’t, but Clarke didn’t need a lot of convincing anyway. Rather than reply, she closed the distance between them, leaning down and pressing into Lexa with ferocity. It wasn’t just an expression of her own desire, it was an act of defiance. She wanted to reel Lexa in, to make her feel just as desperate as she was, to prove that Clarke wasn’t the only one slightly out of control. And Lexa offered no resistance to the offensive, a half laugh abruptly cut short by Clarke’s lips on her own. Clarke bent down over the seated Lexa, trying to close the distance between them again. She let out a mumbled groan as she inelegantly knocked one knee against the arm of the chair while trying to figure out how to swing her other leg around Lexa.

Clarke pulled back. “That – well, that did not work out as I planned.” She huffed as she half-straddled, half-hovered over Lexa. “And why is your office chair so big and angle-y.”

Lexa laughed as she gracefully straightened herself out of the chair, grabbing the back of Clarke’s thighs and bringing them both up together as she stood. Clarke’s legs wrapped around Lexa’s hips as she walked them back to the desk a few feet away and gently sat the blonde down again.

“Is that better?” Lexa asked, a quick wink punctuating that she knew – oh, she definitely knew - exactly what that little display was doing for Clarke.

“Someone’s cocky today.” Clarke playfully shoved at Lexa’s shoulder with one hand, though the firm hold her legs maintained on Lexa’s waist made her true feelings clear.

Clarke pulled Lexa back in by her shirt, the joking from a moment ago giving way to the hunger of Clarke’s lips - a kiss that she couldn’t quite control. She drew Lexa in, darted her tongue out, coaxing Lexa to join her in just letting go. Less thinking was good…so good. Clarke moaned when she felt the tips of Lexa’s fingers slide under shirt and press into her back. Lexa could be a mess with words sometimes and Clarke found it endlessly endearing, but she was absolutely enthralled with how that same woman touched her. There was nothing tentative or flustered about the way Lexa’s hands moved across her skin. Or her lips for that matter…lips that had started trailing kisses along her jaw. Clarke wondered when had she tipped her head back to encourage Lexa to continue that path down her neck. Now, if she just fell back a little bit further, then she could lean on her forearms, and well, then it was basically like laying down. Yeah, she could just lay back, and bring Lexa down with her.

_Have…plans…for…tonight…_

Clarke struggled to make her brain catch up. Reluctantly, grumpily, she pulled Lexa from the crook of her neck and gave her a chaste kiss…a very unsatisfying consolation prize. Clarke wasn’t sure if she was more angry at her imagination for running through snapshots of what could be happening on this desk or the responsible side of her that had put a stop to it so they could actually get on with the date.

Lexa was looking down at her with a definite pout, and damn if that didn’t look good on her. The lust-filled haze still clouding those green eyes didn’t make it any easier on Clarke either.

Clarke shot her hand up to cover her eyes with her hand. “You know what you’re doing with that look and I’m not falling for it! I made plans, we have stuff to do. I just used up all of my willpower.”

Lexa’s mouth quirked into a smile, though the smoldering stare didn’t change. “You know, there’s stuff we could do here,” she countered.

“Come on, Sexy Lexy, we have to go or we’ll stay here all night,” Clarke whined as she stood up.

Lexa pulled back, nose crinkled with exaggerated disgust. “Nope. I’m vetoing that one. That might be the worst thing anyone has ever called me.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Oh, come one. You actually physically fight people, right? And the worst thing anyone’s ever called you is Sexy Lexy?”

Lexa shrugged. “Well, at least savage bitch or blood sucking parasite sounds tough.”

“Aww, poor Sexy Lexy,” Clarke replied with an exaggerated puppy dog eyes as she tried pull Lexa back towards her.

Lexa crossed her arms over her chest, resisting Clarke’s tug on her harms. She held out for a few seconds before the smile broke out on her face. Clarke was infuriating, exactly brash enough to catch her off guard, but somehow making the challenge of keeping up exhilarating rather than terrifying. Screw Titus and his warnings. She felt more alive than she had in years…decades at least.

Clarke eyed her up and down with soft smile. “I like this, I like you like this…” she paused, clearly searching for the right word. “Lighter,” she finished. What she really meant was happy, but the little voice of restraint inside of her was ringing all kinds of alarm bells about reading too much into Lexa’s face, or worse, misreading it. Besides, this was supposed be a first date, right? Maybe try sticking to light, fun, get-to-know-you stuff?

Lexa nodded, her eyes shining brighter than a moment ago as she saw the affection flash across Clarke’s face, even if the words were unspoken. Lexa quickly glanced away, tacitly agreeing that the deeper stuff - the feelings stuff - could wait.

It left Clarke standing close enough to feel Lexa’s breath, but tentative, feeling anxiety playing at the edges of her psyche. Even without verbalizing anything, it felt like the moment had become a bit too much. Was she too much? But then Lexa was pulling her back for another soft kiss and those frayed edges melted away into the soft curve of Lexa’s lips moving against her own.

Clarke sighed as she broke away. “Okay, fine, you win. But only so can get out of here and I actually tried to plan something tonight. C’mon, my sexy savage.” Clarke froze, before stammering on. “Not that you’re mine...or a savage! Or any of the things you said or any of the things I said…”

Clarke cringed internally, searching – yet again – for her brain’s rewind button. What was it about this girl that caused her synapses to fire recklessly out of control? She looked up to see Lexa eying her with an amused smirk. Well, mystery solved then.

“So you don’t think I’m sexy anymore?” Lexa queried with a raised eyebrow.

Clarke laughed. “Okay, I see what you’re doing. Don’t get all cocky because you’ve been all multilingual and flirty and…and strong today. I know it’s only a matter of time before I can get you all flustered again.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Hmmm, maybe we’d both like that,” Clarke replied, letting her eyes trail up and down Lexa. She only had so much willpower and it’s not like Lexa really needed to eat anyway. Screw dinner, screw the date plans.

Clarke walked Lexa backwards towards the couch and gave her a gentle push back to sit. Lexa gaped, she really did try to feign offense at the shove but was too turned on by the blonde staring down at her with delicious, wicked intent in her eyes. Clarke placed one knee on either side of Lexa, slowly dropping herself down into her lap, cleavage from her v-neck settling just level with Lexa’s eyes.

“Now this is more what I had in mind earlier,” Clarke husked out. She wrapped her fingers around Lexa’s jaw, tilting her head up and tearing her gaze away from the ample assets just in front of her.

“Distracted?”

Lexa could only nod in agreement.

“Is there something you want more than dinner?”

Again, Lexa could only nod.

Clarke leaned in for a kiss. Though she still felt the shudder pass through her when they connected, their lips now slotted together in an easy rhythm. The subtle fumbling and clashing of their first kisses gone, replaced with something more familiar but no less exciting…until Lexa’s tongue flicked out to trace Clarke's lips. When she gasped, Lexa seized the opportunity, pressing forward and slowly mapping the contours of Clarke's mouth. Clarke felt a vibration run through her body, unsure whether it was a moan or a shiver. she didn’t realize she had started slowly grinding down on Lexa’s lap until she heard Lexa let out a low groan. She could feel the firm tension in Lexa’s abs every time she rolled her hips forward, tantalizingly close but not quite satisfying. Lexa moved down to her collarbones, kissing across every inch of exposed skin she could find. Lexa's lips left a trail goosebumps in their wake, a crisp antidote to the heat running through Clarke. She needed more, so much more.

Leaning back, Clarke pulled up on her shirt, yanking it up over her head. She paused half way, feeling Lexa freeze underneath her. Clarke felt the tide of anxiety rolling in again. Maybe she had gone a little too far a little fast. She had always felt comfortable in her sexuality, comfortable being sexual...which of course had led to a lot of fun, but she had also found out that this wasn’t something everyone appreciated. Finn, in fact, tended to hate it when she showed initiative, seemed to prefer to think of her as some pristine, demure lover. She hated the insecurity that was seeping in now, hated doubting her own instincts.

Clarke stopped, shirt awkwardly half off. “Uhrm, sorry, I didn’t mean to…” She was cut off by Lexa’s cool fingers trailing up her sides, brushing over the sides of her breasts as she grabbed the hem of Clarke’s shirt and pulled it all the way off. Clarke looked down to see blown pupils, Lexa’s jaw hanging slightly open as her tongue poked out and slowly traversed her lower lip.

“These are…you are magnificent”. 

Clarke reached down and pulled Lexa’s hand on to her chest. She squeezed, feeling Lexa’s fingers flex underneath hers, kneading deliciously into her breast. Lexa moved her thumb, closing her eyes and letting out a soft moan as she rubbed over Clarke’s nipple, feeling it stiffen under the fabric of her bra. Clarke’s hips jerked forward again and Lexa opened her eyes to see Clarke’s head thrown back, letting out soft whimpers as her jaw and pale neck flexed. Lexa kissed across the top of Clarke’s chest before moving down and placing the softest kiss just on the tip of a nipple straining underneath black lace. Clarke gasped, wrapping a hand in brunette locks. Lexa reached around to the nape of Clarke’s neck, easing her gaze forward as the other hand reached behind her to the clasp of the bra. Clarke opened her eyes, breath quickening at the sight of Lexa’s wide eyes, somehow lustful and tender at the same time. Clarke nodded her head, rasping out a single “Please” before she heard fabric tearing behind her.

Lexa blushed. “Oops?”

Clarke giggled. She leaned forward, lips close to Lexa’s ear. “Just get if off.” She was surprised to find herself bare above the waist not a second later, seeing one piece of her bra on the couch and another on the floor next to her. And then she saw nothing. She only heard herself let out a guttural, almost unrecognizable moan as she felt the cool swirl of Lexa’s tongue caress the soft skin of her breast, followed by a gentle nip at her sensitive nipple. Everything narrowed to a single point on her body, one point that now seemed to be sending a direct transmission to her core. She was only aware of the cool, slick slide of Lexa’s tongue and now the hot, slick, slide between her legs.

And then Clarke hissed in pain as she felt a sharp sting above her left breast. Lexa pulled back immediately and they both stared as a fine line of blood started to ooze out of a scratch now crossing the pale skin of her chest. Before Clarke could react, she found herself sat on the couch alone, Lexa zipping up and returning with a tissue. She held it out, unable to meet Clarke’s gaze, mouth set in a thin line. Lexa mumbled something Clarke couldn’t make out. It took Clarke a moment, but then it clicked.

Clarke stood up and grabbed Lexa’s chin. “You never have to hide yourself from me. We can be careful. We should be careful. But never hide who you are.”

She swiped her thumb along Lexa’s lips, pausing to push her upper lip up on the side revealing a left canine now extended into a sharp fang. Clarke leaned forward, kissing Lexa slowly, then gently running her tongue along her lips until they slowly fell open. Clarke’s tongue caressed into Lexa’s mouth, gently feeling along the exposed canines, carefully avoiding the sharp points. She pulled pack to see unshed tears glistening in those captivating green eyes.

Intertwining their finger, she pulled Lexa back to the couch. “Let’s just talk for now.”

Lexa cleared her throat. “Uh, maybe a shirt would make talking a little easier?”

Clarke chuckled, sweeping her shirt up off the floor. Apparently, there wasn't really a bra to put on anymore. She sat down and settled her head in Lexa’s lap, gazing up fondly at green eyes as she spread out on the couch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holler at me if there are tons of typos. Figured I just wanted to get this out, but I can go back and proofread if I missed a bunch of things :)
> 
> In case the writing doesn't make it clear, Clarke is all heart and bold action, but there's insecurity simmering underneath that, which I think is very human and one of those interesting contrasts that often go together.
> 
> There will be more updates, less than a year from now, I promise. I feel like there are certain scenes in my head I need to get out but now I just need to figure out the pieces to string them all together...also, full confession, the vivid scenes in my head are pretty much all sex, so I guess that says something about me :) . Anyway, thanks to all who have stuck around/returned...if there is anyone that did stick around?!?


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